Top 74 Quotes & Sayings by Samantha Bee

I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are.

I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having.

I learn something in the interviews from time to time.

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Hopefully the person I'm trying to create is just a funny, dour, evil side of myself that has no other way to express itself. I don't model it after anyone in particular. Who would be like that? Who? I wouldn't want to meet that person. I wouldn't want to be interviewed by that person, I can tell you that.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

I don't think I'm very much like the person I am on the show. I'm certainly not as ambitious; no, that's not true, I'm kind of ambitious. In a nice way. But there's a part of me. A lot of me. There's a lot of what I think is funny.

When you can agree on one thing, you should have no expectation that suddenly a person is converted to your way of thinking. You have to be willing to be frustrated constantly.

I was brought up to question things, but I was always a really quiet and shy child.

It's very disconcerting to have a camera shoved in your face. It's really discombobulating. If you're the least bit nervous you forget what you just said, you can't find your way through, you can't follow the logic of your own statements sometimes. It's a weird sensation. And I think that really helps to lock people in place.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

I've been a performer in the public eye for many years now and it's much darker. It feels so worse now. It feels heavy; it's difficult to deal with. The hatred is unbelievable, but I actually feel a lot more compassion for the journalists and people who aren't used to that. At least on some level, it's been a part of my world for a long time, so I can handle it. I'm not going to say that I'm used to it, because I'm not. I think it's really difficult for people who are just doing journalism and receiving death threats on a very consistent basis.

I'm not even reading about the U.S. election, I'm just totally involved in the Canadian one.

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!

There's a very fine line between political comedian and activist, and I don't really think I fall over into the activist category.

The people I really feel sorry for are all the writers out there who wrote these outrageous comedic romps about a grossly unqualified person who goes on to become a Vice Presidential candidate in a hotly contested presidential race. With hilarious results. They must be so bummed.

It's fun to be surrounded by people that you love.

We definitely sometimes get stuff that's different that we were expecting. I mean, that's part of the joy and the terror of interviewing real, live people. Sometimes they come along the journey with you, and most of the time they don't.

I don't think that comedy is going to affect or change anything. I remember back in 2004 people were like, "How does it feel knowing that you're going to be part of the shifting tide in the political system?" And in the end nothing changed, and we weren't part of anything. And we're not happy anywhere. I think we're kind of hoping, obviously, but it didn't really have a great impact on people.

I take my citizenship extremely seriously. I find myself drawn to the Constitution more and more with each passing day of Donald Trump's presidency.

As a viewer myself, I tend to gravitate toward projects that have a really strong voice of a strong creator.

The worst thing you can do to a dictator is laugh at him.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

You need to be able to agree from time to time if we're going to get anywhere. Once you have started a civil dialogue, it's a much smoother road to compromise. The key thing to remember is it's a daily practice.

I've talked to a lot of other women in the field of comedy and none of us feel like being a woman has been a barrier to success in our lives. I can't claim to feel like I've been under some man's thumb in comedy. I've sort of always done my own thing for better or worse, and have been lucky enough to be able to perform ever since. So I'm not surprised by all the articles, but I don't know if it's necessarily true. It's not like we haven't been around.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking about the impact anything I have. If it does resonate with people, that's really great.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.

I don't feel intimidated by any of the people I'm talking to or the situations I find myself in. I just try to make my nana proud.

I don't listen to the national anthem ironically. It's a beautiful song. I love it!

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

I find Donald Trump so haphazard, and that keeps me up at night.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.