Top 100 Quotes & Sayings by Sean Evans - Page 2

Award shows in general are just lame excuses to stroke the egos of millionaires, but the 'ESPY's' are an especially embarrassing example.

Penny Hardaway has a decided style advantage over other players because he rocked one of the crispiest jerseys in NBA history.

Before Julius Erving, being a stylish basketball player meant 13 ounces of pomade in your hair and color coordinating the belt in your shorts with your canvas sneakers. Dr. J was a transcendent figure athletically, but he also changed the aesthetics of the sport.

Women who are paid to look hot get hit on all the time, so don't roll up on a restaurant hostess with your non-iron Trump Collection shirt and expect anything to pop off.

The pool table, like bathroom graffiti and horrible lighting, is a dive bar staple.

Stadiums are notoriously bad for cell phone reception. Spending the majority of a game trying to post an Instagram'd picture of the field isn't just pitiful, it's damn near hopeless.

Gamers are horrible roommates because they monopolize the TV with something less watchable than 'The Mob Doctor' and, if that wasn't irritating enough, have the audacity to scream combat commands through a head set.

Tim Tebow is the kind of unsung hero we can all root for, an underdog who is all too often ignored by the fans and media.

When you consider the depths to which major college football coaches are willing to sink in order to protect their programs, Tyrann Mathieu's dismissal from LSU is staggering.

No athlete entered 2012 with more and left it with less than Lance Armstrong.

It doesn't matter how much game you think you have, no nightclub bartender wants to talk to you.

As the flagrant foul's official mascot, Anthony Mason had the genteel refinement of an intentional elbow to the eye socket.

Dive bars rely on a steady stream of neighborhood regulars to keep their doors open.

Bill Walton's on-court style is immortal.

Fraternities are bizarre because, as a pledge, some clown who wears Hollister & Co. flip-flops exclusively will make you clean his toilet with a toothbrush.

If LeBron James, Phil Mickelson, or Reggie Bush had to rely on personality to make it in this world, they'd all be incredibly athletic rodeo clowns.

There's absolutely nothing glamorous about getting old.

The suburban dad is the worst dressed subset in America, which is especially disheartening when you consider the country club's many great style icons.

Heartbreak can be so pathetic.

The prevailing subtext of every dating book is that beautiful women are surpassingly obtainable, so long as you get over the intimidation that keeps you from approaching them. That's maybe the dumbest advice ever.

There's something about supposed experts making millions of dollars to bark tired sports cliches that makes our blood boil. And it should.

If there's one thing Eagles and Giants fans can agree on, it's a mutual disdain for Skip Bayless.

We've all had classes with a professor so bland and monotone that their lectures sound like Mitt Romney reading 'Paradise Lost' from a blown speaker.

It's not easy to embarrass the University of Arkansas. The place is basically a truck stop with a quad.

Relative to the rest of your life, college isn't all that hard.

Attempting to squash your permeating stench of a loser by bum rushing every girl you come across is a bad look.

The NBA was once a league full of guys who topped out at 5-foot-9, wore belts in their shorts, and reeked of pomade. When it came to dishing the ball there was only one option: the bounce pass. The game's changed a lot since then.

It's not easy to be stylish as a linebacker.

Chicago fans are the most insufferable in all sports.

In the late '90s and early 2000s, basketball was more about making your defender look stupid than scoring. Seriously. You could miss every layup, so long as you turned an ankle or buckled a knee.

Once you're past the age of, say, 11, you should stop idolizing athletes. You look ridiculous wearing the jersey of a guy who is younger and wealthier than you are.

If you want to be universally loved, forget a career in broadcasting. You can't compliment a team without necessarily dissing their opponent.

Bobby Petrino slinks through coaching jobs with the stench and trustworthiness of expired mayonnaise.

Boston is one of the country's more insecure cities and see you it in Celtics fans.

Bjorn Borg has the look of a Scandanavian rock star with the understated charm of a Wes Anderson movie.

No future employer is going to comb your college transcript to see how you fared in Microeconomics 300. In fact, you won't even be asked about where you went to school after your first entry level job.

As a general rule, girls at the gym are not interested in a free power clean lesson from some doofus in a form-fitting Under Armour ensemble.

If you're entering your first year of higher education, then you also need to prepare for an extreme lifestyle change. Your mom's not there to wake you up for school.

White dude speed' is the kind of quickness that you see from a guy who's trying to beat the 'Do Not Walk' sign across the street. They're moving but not fast enough to scuff their boat shoes.

Preparing America's student loan crippled grads to enter a hopeless and crowded job market is no easy task, which is why we should show more love to our nation's professors.