Top 82 Quotes & Sayings by Sean Lock
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an English comedian Sean Lock.
Last updated on December 23, 2024.
It's a horrible feeling to go in front of an audience when you don't feel right.
There are certain types of stand-up, who are very successful, who do one type of joke, and never stray out of that. The audience knows that he's the depressive comedian, he's the up-beat, crazy comic. He's the one that talks about real life.
Whenever a young comic asks me for advice I only have two things to say. One is to try and do what you think is genuinely funny and the other is just do loads of gigs.
Brown is definitely my colour. I like it's understated drabness.
It's not like I'm an Internet geek or anything - I'm of an age where the Internet is not the first thing I think of when I need to find something out.
There's someone on Twitter who pretends to be me but as long as he doesn't say anything damaging, I don't care. Let him get on with it.
Touring can be quite a dull life.
On '8 Out Of 10 Cats,' myself, Jimmy Carr and Jason Manford have got the producers around to our way of thinking - which is to trust us and allow us to ad-lib.
I just did loads of dead-end jobs and a lot of travelling - just farting around, really. I had quite a lot of fun, but I've got no qualifications, no skills.
Real men don't listen. I think you can waste a lot of valuable time listening to what people are saying to you and, let's face it, it's rarely interesting or important.
I used to watch 'EastEnders' till the plots got ridiculous.
I'm hoping I don't get Alzheimer's.
I'm the master at publicity.
I definitely appreciate the value of money, hard work and having a career.
I have my suits especially made in 50 per cent polyester. That way when I'm going to a gig I can just stuff them in a bag, whip them out and they don't looked creased when I'm on stage.
I'm amazed by how angry people get about new art, particularly new sculptures in their town. The people who hate new sculpture usually find their type of art on birthday cards, pictures of a vintage car going round a hairpin bend and suchlike.
That's the thing about comedy, there's something utterly delightful and slightly pure about a really good joke, and to create one is a great pleasure.
I really like doing stand-up, because it gives you an immense amount of freedom. You haven't got anyone telling you what to do. It's great to have that much power over what you do. You don't have that in television.
I spent a large part of my 20s and 30s living in different places, including tower blocks.
It's fantastic to be at the back of a theatre and to think, 'These people have come to see me.'
My major regret in life is not going to university, though not for the qualification I would have gained. People I know who went there have a working method where they sit down and get something done; they know how to start and get on with things. I will do anything to avoid getting on with stuff.
There's an elusive element to comedy, but nobody gets it for free. That's why comedians seldom criticise each other.
There is this fallacy of the 'cool' comedian out there. You see the guys who take themselves very seriously and think they're being very suave and sardonic. But they're just jesters like the rest of us; they're just goons like we all are. The job is to make people laugh.
I have worked out that I am virtually Chinese, because everything I own is from China.
Billy Connolly is probably the greatest stand-up this country has ever produced and he swears all the time.
I now believe in God for my own ends. I'm not an altruistic Christian - I'm only doing it in case there is in fact a Heaven.
Salad cream is horrible, like albino ketchup.
A real man doesn't know what cellulite is. Until I was 30 I thought cellulite was a building material used for restoring plasterwork in stately homes.
People ask me about my influences and I say all the comedians in the 1970s and Dave Allen was a massive influence and a very big influence on a lot of modern comics.
I have no problem with people coming up to me and telling me they enjoy my work, what's weird is when you sense people noticing you, nudging each other, and you're not anonymous any more. You just feel exposed.
I drive a VW California. It's a camper van based on the transporter body. It drives like a car, but you press a button and you're camping. I take it on tour with me.
In those stupid online polls to find the best sitcom ever, 'Father Ted' never gets the credit it deserves.
The hardest thing to write is sitcom.
15 Storeys High' is the hardest thing I've worked on. 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.
As a comedian, you're making so many observations, so many measurements. You might catch someone's eyes as you're telling a joke, and they can have this sort of glazed expression on their face, and that can set all your dials off.
I am naturally cautious so I guess I am a saver. I'm a firm believer in not borrowing money, which is a lesson passed down to me from my parents and grandparents.
I'd like an old car just so I can control the windows with a handle. I hate electronic windows.
Ron Mueck's 'Dead Dad' was fantastic. It was an almost exact replica of his dead dad's body, shrunk to be a third of the size, a very powerful sculpture.
I would describe my driving style as calm authority, but my wife would call it demented. In my defence I've got a clean licence so probably the best way to describe it is crafty.
I always ask for fresh coffee because instant doesn't give you the caffeine buzz you need.
I finished school in 1981 when there was a recession on so there was not a lot of money around or work. I worked on building sites during that time and there were many people on the dole or always looking for work.
I go to my office nearly every day, and I'll sit there for six or seven hours and come up with ideas, and that's the only way I can justify turning up on stage.
I finished tech college with just one A-level, which was an E in English, because I spent most of my time drinking and faffing around. Having one A-level is a bit like having a car with one wheel - pretty useless. So I ended up working on building sites.
I was 18 and had taken A-levels in Woking where I grew up. But I didn't want to go to university so left sixth-form college. My father was in the building industry and he found me a job stripping concrete panels off buildings. It was dangerous work on high scaffolds, sometimes 12 hours a day, Monday to Friday, and often weekends too.
I've got genuine political reasons for not voting for David Cameron. He's got a tiny little mouth.
If you're over 22, getting a tattoo and you don't do work that involves tools you should be ashamed of yourself!
There is the idea that there's a section of society, these working-class tradesmen, are driving around and they all think the same. Everybody who has tools in their vehicle have all the exact same thoughts: it's incredibly patronising isn't it?
I try not to be one particular type of comedian - I try to be foolish, and silly, and surreal, and quite angry and sarcastic and dry.
I think people like to have something to have a moan about.
My initial impression of the Welsh was that they were grumpier than I was!
We do need sculpture. People always say: 'Well, that sculpture could have paid for a cot in a maternity ward.' But if the world had been run on those lines, there'd only be about four books, and they'd be seed-drill manuals.
I've got a few fat friends - well, two, it seems like more.
Here's a message to all the employers out there reading this: if a comedian comes to you having given up comedy and wants a job; don't employ them. They're utterly feckless and incapable of handling any kind of responsibility. Fact.
I'm actually a miserable, authoritarian guy at home... no really, I'm strict.
It's hard to pinpoint highlights on tour because they're the gigs really. The whole day becomes about the show. From the time you wake up you are slowly building up to that.
Claudia Winkleman is a good laugh and James Corden too.
In my mind if you're over 25 and using Twitter you need to have a word with yourself.
If you like Harry Hill, you'd really like Tony Law. He's a Canadian comic who's done a few appearances on 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' and '8 out of 10 Cats.' Nobody else could do his stand-up; it's very idiosyncratic, very daft, very silly, but really well structured.
I never moisturised until I got skin cancer. It totally changed my opinion on moisturising. I used to think using a face protector was a bit of a girly thing, now I've worked out it's actually essential to keep your skin healthy.
The hardest I've ever laughed in a cinema was at 'Silent Movie' by Mel Brooks. I was 12-ish and I actually fell out of my seat. I saw it 10 years later hoping for the same hilarity but it didn't happen. I'm not sure if that's because of me or the film.
Related Authors
Bill Maher Quotes
American
Comedian
Craig Ferguson Quotes
Scottish
Comedian
David Letterman Quotes
American
Comedian
Demetri Martin Quotes
American
Comedian
Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
American
Comedian
George Carlin Quotes
American
Comedian
Jay Leno Quotes
American
Comedian
Jim Gaffigan Quotes
American
Comedian
Jimmy Fallon Quotes
American
Comedian
Joan Rivers Quotes
American
Comedian
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
American
Comedian
P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
American
Comedian
Robin Williams Quotes
American
Comedian
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
American
Comedian
Stephen Colbert Quotes
American
Comedian
Steven Wright Quotes
American
Comedian