Top 186 Quotes & Sayings by Steve Harvey

There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I've ever written.

God has positioned me just this way to be just like I am, to say what I say how I say it.

When you're happy at home, you can make a lot of things happen.

I'm not a doctor. I just have a tremendous amount of common sense.

You've got to be in a bad relationship to really understand what a great one is.

A person has to remember that the road to success is always under construction. You have to get that through your head. That it is not easy becoming successful.

I'm not a relationship expert. I'm an expert on manhood.

I'm just a living witness that you can be an imperfect soldier and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty. Don't you think you got to be perfect 'cause I ain't.

I'm not really a relationship expert but... I'm an expert on manhood and what men think.

My father instilled in me to take care of my family. Show up even when you don't want to show up.

I don't have 'The Jerry Springer Show'. I just got 'Family Feud', but some of them families, when they lose, man, they have some real conversations with each other back behind that wall, but I've never been involved in any of them.

How can smart women be so stupid about men sometimes? Lack of knowledge. It's what men have kept secret for so long.

You can take lessons to become almost anything: flying lessons, piano lessons, skydiving lessons, acting lessons, race car driving lessons, singing lessons. But there's no class for comedy. You have to be born with it. God has to give you this gift.

My mother raised me in the church. I was not allowed to stay home on Sunday; there was no option. I sang in the choir all the way up until I went to college.

You've got to be vulnerable when you're talking to kids. There's nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can't work that way.

I had, like, 11 jobs. I've been fired 11 times! 'Cause I'm not cut for that. You know, I was a great employee, man. Everybody loved me coming to work - I'm singing, tellin' jokes on the assembly line. I was miserable, man. I was dying. I was dying.

The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.

Hollywood is run by people who sit up in their executive office, who are not connected to Mississippi, Alabama, Chicago, South Carolina. They know nothing about that, they don't go to church, and they make their decisions about what they think is right.

I'd have to say I'm most proud of my mentoring camp that I do in Dallas every year for one hundred boys from single-parent homes. I was raised by a mother who was a Sunday school teacher and a father who worked hard. Together they taught me to give back.

Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan. We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted.

God has given me a life far beyond anything I ever dreamed about. God is, man, God is something else man.

As always, whenever I'm contacted by the White House, I'm just humbled.

A guy that's really serious about you, he's gotta be talking to you, he's gotta want to have one-on-one, in-your-face interaction. That's how we are.

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

One of the biggest misconceptions that a woman has is that a man has to accept her the way she is. No, we don't. I don't know who told you that. We like the bright and shiny. If you stop wearing the makeup, stop putting on nail polish, stop wearing high heels, you'll lose us.

All men can and will change. But there's only one woman we're going to change for.

There's a lot more to me than just funny.

My marriage to Marjorie is the most rewarding thing that ever happened to me. She gave me a life and a relationship that I didn't know existed.

Women are the real reason we get up every day. I'm talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I'm hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.

I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check.

I pay attention to every minute of the day.

I don't want people to see me fall. I mean, I got enough people cheering for me to fall now... The Internet has created some amazing place for evil to exist, you dig?

I got married for the wrong reasons. I was tired of being alone. I have to own that. It was me, not her.

You've got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.

You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody.

From the time I was taught how to drive, I was taught how to behave when I'm stopped.

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.

I don't have much of an attention span for TV - I nod off during the basketball playoffs - but when I watch 'Game of Thrones' on On Demand, I'm glued to the set. It's mystical and addictive. Tyrion Lannister, that's my man.

I never say 'nagging.' I think that 'nagging' is a term that men created to get women to pipe down some. But, it's a trap that we've created. We created several terms for women to back you down. Nagging means to stop asking me questions, then we get away with more. I think it's a term men created.

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I'm saying to women is, 'Okay. If it's a game, here are the rules that we play by.'

I never in my life saw myself as a game show host. I don't want to be a traffic cop.

My color's not a crutch. See, funny crosses a lot of color barriers.

I never saw myself not being a stand-up. That was my plan.

You can't go forward and backwards at the same time.

If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.

I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

I take my brand very seriously.

If you cook something on the show, and I don't like it, I'm going to tell you. I don't understand how you could watch any of these morning shows, and everything everybody cooks is absolutely delicious. Are you kidding me, man?

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

My calling is to help people, to teach people, to share with people, until I die. I can never stop doing that. I can't, and I don't want to.

I won an amateur night, October 8th, 1985. I went to work the next day and quit my job.

I just believe if you don't believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That's just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.

I think there are so many books out there written on relationships and romance that women are the authors of. How can women know exactly how men think? And there are so many guys out there with relationship books who are just not telling the truth. They have shaded parts.

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

You can be happy, or you can be right. If you want to be part of a couple and win every argument, you're in trouble.

I sit my three sons down and say, 'Listen to me. When the police stop you, immediately comply. Don't walk away, don't smart-mouth; get your hands up and get down on the ground.' If you're not black, you might not have to have that conversation, but I go over and over it with them because I don't want that phone call.

I don't think it's cool for people to say, 'You shouldn't reference God because I don't believe that, and I don't want to hear it.' Well, there's a lot of stuff I don't believe that I still gotta hear.

Every day, President Obama sends a beautiful message about how we should treat our women based on how he treats his wife. When people went after his wife during the campaign, he took a stand.