Top 1451 Quotes & Sayings by Terry Pratchett - Page 4

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.

When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back.

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.

"And what would humans be without love?" Rare, said Death.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT." Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.

I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved.

He's out of his depth on a wet pavement.

Either all days are holy or none are.

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way. It's good for the hygiene of the brain.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

The fastest way to travel is to be there already.

My name is unpronounceable in your tongue, woman,” it said. “I’ll be the judge of that,” warned Granny, and added, “Don’t call me woman.” “Very well. My name is WxrtHltl-jwlpklz,” said the demon smugly.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question.

'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'

When all else failed, she tried being reasonable.

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue.

An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done.

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.

The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find.

but what should we do when the highborn and wealthy take to crime? Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed?

If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.

Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of squabble.

Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.

Its useful to go out of this world and see it from the perspective of another one.

The price of being the best is having to be the best.

Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun." -"I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment.

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! A mere quantum-mechanistic tunnel effect, that'd happen anyway if you were prepared to wait zillions of years. As if the turning of sunlight into wine, by means of vines and grapes and time and enzymes, wasn't a thousand times more impressive and happened all the time.

Down there - he said - are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no.

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.

Quick, someone's coming! Look real!

Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.

Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor.

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ("She looks like a Winnifred to me"), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is called living.

I try to make computers say things like You have 60 seconds to achieve safe distance.

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

In the world I live in, 'not worse' is nearly as good as 'better'.

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.

Ingenuity and incongruity always cheer me up.

Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was, ‘But we’ve always done it this way.’ A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they?