Top 75 Quotes & Sayings by Todd Barry

Anyone who bombs is my friend.

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things.

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.

If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape, I tend to go nuts.

Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere.

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.

Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also.

There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy.

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all.

I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.

I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started.

If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase.

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.

I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written.

Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself.

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage.

It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me.

People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.

I will not be misquoted!

I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it.

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires.

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.

There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake.

I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it.

Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place.

I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film.

I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that.

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage.

It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special.

You always think you're better than you are in the beginning.

I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange.

I loved Australia. I was very successful there.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I don't ban bloggers from my shows. I have a separate line: VIP seating for bloggers.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started

I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that

Sometimes they're all collectively thinking, "Wow, we're kinda a shitty audience," and then if you point it out, it's kinda like, "Hey, I know what's going on. We know what's going on up here. Or what's not going on. And I'm letting you know that I know. And now we can fix this."

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage

I like Cilantro, but you don't have to.

Comedy clubs are a bit more expensive. That's the problem with some of these places. But the flipside of that is, if you do too many shows for free or $5, then people don't understand why you can't fly to Milwaukee and do a show for a $3 cover. That won't even pay for my flight.

I haven't done a lot in London. I think comedy over there is how it was over here years ago. There's tons of it, and they're better paid.

I've had shows where you think, "Is this going well? I can't tell," and then you say goodnight and you get this ovation. They're sorta like a theater audience. I've learned that much; that they're not always going to be doing backflips - but I'll never figure it out. Because sometimes you walk up there, and they're so excited, and then other times, it's just... But sometimes an audience is bad, and you can tell them they're bad, and that sort of breaks the ice a bit.

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place