Top 158 Quotes & Sayings by Tucker Max

Usually, whatever people's particular political leaning is, they either think I'm just like them or the opposite.

My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.

No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

A personal brand is relevant to people who sell or create something relevant to who they are as a person. If you're not in that boat, which most people are not, personal branding makes no sense.

Women always want the guy that other women want.

Obviously, I love Japanese food. My favorite TV show of all time, without exception, is 'Iron Chef.' Not the stupid American version; 'Iron Chef' Japanese; the real one, the one that was on in Japan... my DVR for years was set to record almost every single 'Iron Chef' episode.

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.

Having a soft major is nowhere near the career death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the U.S. economy with it. Our economy is shifting to a service- and information-based economy, and soft majors are already becoming more and more valuable.

I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine.

I think I just pick really smart and motivated people to work with - people who are probably going to do great things anyway - and I just teach them what I know, maybe teach them how to think a little clearer than they did before, and then off they go.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

My parents got divorced when I was around a year old. My dad was essentially a nonentity in my life until I got to be about 16 or so. My mom was a flight attendant for PanAm, so I moved all over the world. London, Rio de Janeiro.

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.

I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.

I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.

General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.

Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people.

If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma.

I'm a human. Every human is flawed. I might be flawed in different ways than some people, or worse ways than some people, or better ways than some people.

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well.

Books are so cheap and easy to get that people don't bother stealing them, which is the essential rule of piracy that the music business learned much too late.

I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity.

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.

If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, you shouldn't pick a job based on this unresolved emotional issue of yours, you should get counseling for it.

There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.'

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.

Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.

Social media for the majority of companies is not about helping customers or improving products.

I started my blog in 2002. That was pre-MySpace, pre-Facebook. That was back before newspapers realized they were going out of business. That was back when no one gave any credence to Internet writers.

When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials.

I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy.

I always laugh when people call me a misogynist. I... love women! Everything I do is to impress women. And if I hated women, why would half my fans be women?

The haters always scream the loudest.

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it.

Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious.

I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.

I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out.

I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me.

There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it.

Ladies, you may not realize this, understand this, or even believe this, but everything else we do is ultimately for you. Men don't do anything-create art, build businesses, donate to charity, invent things, or do anything noteworthy-for any reason other than to impress women, and thus get them to have sex with us. If women didn't exist, we'd still just be naked grunting apes living in caves. In a very real way, pussy is the key to human civilization. You don't have to like it, but it's a fact; if you understand it, you understand men.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.