Top 92 Quotes & Sayings by W. S. Gilbert - Page 2

I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.

See how the Fates their gifts allot, For A is happy-B is not. Yet B is worthy, I dare say, Of more prosperity than A.

Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind-- They don't blame you--as long as you're funny!

The happiest hour a sailor sees Is when he's down At an inland town, With his Nancy on his knees, yo ho! And his arm around her waist!

Bind up their wounds - but look the other way.

I see no objection to stoutness, in moderation.

There's fish in the sea, no doubt of it, As good as ever came out of it.

He led his regiment from behind. He found it less exciting.

When a felon s not engaged in his employment, Or maturing his felonious little plans, His capacity for innocent enjoyment Is just as great as any honest mans.

And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist-- I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not be missed!

I am the very model of a modern major general

If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack, You may get a bland smile from these sages; But should it, by chance, be imported from France, Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!

What though I cannot meet my bills? What though I suffer toothache's ills? What though I swallow countless pills?

All bayonets are bad.

On my face extended flat I was walloped with a cat For listening at the key-hole of the door.

Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses, Which empties our police courts, and abolishes divorces.

If I can wheedle A knife or a needle, Why not a Silver Churn?

I shall carry to the Catacombs of Age, Photographically lined On the tablet of my mind

Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold, And the mate of the Nancybrig, And a bos'sun tight, and a midshipmite, And the crew of the captain's gig!

Spurn not the nobly born with love affected; nor treat with virtuous scorn the well connected.

When the enterprising burglar isn't burgling; When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime; He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling; And listen to the merry village chime.

I am a courtier grave and serious Who is about to kiss your hand: Try to combine a pose imperious With a demeanour nobly bland.

poverty is obsolete and hunger is abolished

The Law is the true embodiment of everything that's excellent; it has no kind of fault or flaw and I, my Lords, embody the Law.

Who knows but we may count among our intellectual chickens Like them an Earl of Thackeray and p'raps a Duke of Dickens

Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes! Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow, ye masses!

A popular speaker, however unpopular and insignificant, has only to wind up his speech with half-a-dozen lines of Shakespeare (and to make it clearly understood that they are Shakespeare's) and he will sit down amid thunders of applause.

A policeman's lot is not a happy one

I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.

If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.

Posterity shall know of me even less than I shall know of posterity.

Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour; From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!