Top 725 Quotes & Sayings by Will Rogers - Page 11

Every time somebody has thought of relief for the farmer it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.

Wall Street is being investigated, but they are not asleep while it's being done. You see where the Senate took that tax off the sales of stocks, didn't you? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, why don't somebody investigate the Senate and see who got to them to get that tax removed? That would be a real investigation.

We elect our Presidents, be they Republican or Democrat, then start daring 'em to make good.

They call it the Latin Quarter because nobody there is Latin and nobody has a quarter.

I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange and exciting tingling sensation from.

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like."

My own mother died when I was 10 years old. My folks have told me that what little humor I have comes from her. I can't remember her humor, but I can remember her love and understanding of me.

Don't raise anything, except what fits your appetite. Then the price don't worry you. Just raise all you can eat and let the low prices go by.

The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.

There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.

Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.

On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Local conservation programs can help our communities shape thoughtful growth.

This session of Congress is also to relieve the farmer again, relieve him of any encouragement that he might have received during the last one.

You can't tell what a man is like or what he is thinking when you are looking at him. You must get around behind him and see what he has been looking at.

I originated a remark many years ago that I think has been copied more than any little thing that I've ever said, and I used it in the follies of 1922. I said America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference in our lives. I believe that we could without any degree of egotism, single-handed lick any nation in the world. But we can't confer with Costa Rica and come home with our shirts on.

Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.

Rotation of crops and less automobiles will relieve the farmers whenever they decide to try it.

Steak on the plate went up. Steak on the hoof went down.

There have been three great inventions since the beginning of time: fire, the wheel, and central banking.

There is nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating

Farmers have about given up hope of getting farm relief and have decided to fertilize instead.

Both political parties have their good times and bad times, only they have them at different times.

George Washington was quite a farmer. He was a farmer, Civil Engineer and gentleman. He made enough at civil engineering to indulge in both the other luxuries.

Wish all the Farmers would move to town one year, that's the only way I know to clear the thing up.

The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.

It looks to me like the candidates are trying to relieve the farmer of his vote, instead of his debts.

Real estate is the best investment in the world because it is the only thing they're not making any more.

Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

Our whole Depression was brought on by gambling, not in the stock market alone but in expanding and borrowing and going in debt... all just to make some easy money quick.

Here is my Farm Relief bill: Every time a Southerner plants nothing on his farm but cotton year after year, and the Northerner nothing but wheat or corn, why, take a hammer and hit him twice right between the eyes. You may dent your hammer, but it will do more real good than all the bills you can pass in a year.

If a man ain't nothin' else, then he's an artist. It's the only thing he can claim to be that nobody can prove he ain't.

I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.

People are marvelous in their generosity, if they just know the cause is there.

I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.

And if you call one a real estate agent and he won't sell you anything. He is a REALATOR. It's the same as what the old fashioned real estate agent used to be only the commission is different.

In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.

Americans will feed anyone that's not close to them.

Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.

Farmers spend more time at Conventions than they do plowing.

Don't invite me if you don't want me.

A successful outcome shows what hard work, perseverance and taking advantage of your opportunities will do for you.

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Hurray! Congress is to adjourn! Only four more days of Congressional burglary on the Treasury!

There is no more interesting place in the world to meet characters than a movie set.

Don't wait to buy land, Buy land and wait. Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there.

When you figure it right down, none of us are in a really essential business but the farmer, and he raises so much that even his business is partly non-essential.

Congress knew Coolidge would veto the farm bill. There was more politics than relief in that bill.

There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.

The president says, 'There is lots of people worse off than the Farmers.' I don't know who it could be unless it is the fellow who holds the Mortgages on the Farms.

I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.

They are voting whether to keep a governor two years or four. I think a good, honest governor should get four years, and the others life.

I see where they are going to be more strict with these robbers; when they catch 'em from now on, they're going to publish their names.

I don't know what humor is.

Cattlemen have lost more in the last few years than anybody and say less about it.

If you got a dollar, soak it away, put it in a savings bank, bury it, do anything but spend it. Spending when we didn't have it put us where we are today. Saving when we've got it will get us back to where we was before we went cuckoo.

Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for -- to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell 'em.

One thing I will say about the Germans, they are always perfectly willing to give somebody's land to somebody else