Top 725 Quotes & Sayings by Will Rogers - Page 3

If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

The problem in America isn't so much what people don't know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain't so.

Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don't take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Common sense ain't common.

There is one guaranteed formula for failure, and that is to try to please everyone.

In all your life, you will never find a method more effective in getting through to another person than to make that person feel important.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

There is an awful lot of difference between reading something and actually seeing it, for you can never tell, till you see it, just how big a liar History is.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week

A man only learns by two things; one is reading and the other is association with smarter people.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.

When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.

Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em what they will do.

If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellow’s hands.

I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

A Republican moves slowly. They are what we call conservatives. A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't always have plenty of money. A Democrat is a fellow who never had any, but doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't have some.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Be a politician; no training necessary.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don't know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can't run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That's the biggest single business in the World.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

A president just can't make much showing against congress. They lay awake nights, thinking up things to be against the president on.

The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

A Democrat is just like a baby. If it's hollering and making a lot of noise, there is nothing serious the matter with it. When it's quiet and doesn't pay much attention to anything, that's when it's really dangerous.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

America has the best politicians money can buy.

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Never miss a chance to shut up