Top 725 Quotes & Sayings by Will Rogers - Page 8

All one has to do to get one's stuff in the Congressional Record is to find a stenographer that can stay awake long enough to take it down. Then you mark in the 'Applause' and 'Laughter' parts yourself.

Politicians, after all, are not over a year behind public opinion.

Whoever said a horse was dumb, was dumb

Rail-splitting produced an immortal president in Lincoln, but golf hasn't produced even a good Congressman.

Syntax must be bad, having sin and tax in it.

We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces?

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity's door if you ardently wish to enter.

Every man gets an opportunity once in a lifetime.

Wine had such ill effects on Noah's health that it was all he could do to live 950 years. Show me a total abstainer that ever lived that long.

America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.

We Americans think we are pretty good! We want to build a house, we cut down some trees. We want to build a fire, we dig a little coal. But when we run out of all these things, then we will find out just how good we really are.

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.

Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

There is nothing that sets a nation back as far in civilization as prosperity.

A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.

Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.

The man that found the 726-carat diamond in Africa, received $350,000 for it and wants to buy a farm and silk hat. Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.

We owe more money than any Nation in the World, and we are LOWERING TAXES. When is the time to pay off a debt if it is not when you are doing well? You let a Politician return home from Washington and announce, 'Boys we lowered your taxes. We had to borrow the money to do it, but we did it.' Say, they would elect him for life.

Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate committee appointed to look into it.

You can be killed just as dead in an unjustified war as you can in one protecting your own home.

It rained in the Middle West. Farmers are learning that the relief they get from the sky beats what they get from Washington.

Samuel Gompers has spent his life trying to keep labor from working too hard and has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

You have a wonderful organization. I understand you have ten thousand here. And if you count the ones in the various federal prisons, it brings your total membership up to around thirty thousand.

That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election.

If you let women have their way, you will generally get even with them in the end.

A liberal is a man who wants to use his own ideas on things in preference to generations who he knows know more than he does.

If you are trying to get out of the hole, stop digging.

Farmers have more Associations, and Bureaus, and Clubs, than they have pitchforks.

It's one of the most progressive cities in the world. Shooting is only a sideline.

It looks to me like any man that wants to be President in times like these lacks something.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

There is nothing fairer than workmen having unions of their mutual benefit.

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

When you have helped to raise the standard of cooking, you have helped to raise the only thing in the world that really matters. We only have one or two wars in a lifetime, but we have three meals a day -- there's nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating.

There is not a better day in the world to be spent than with a lot of wise old cowmen around barbecued beef, black coffee and good "free holy" beans.

And kid Congress and the Senate, dont scold em. They are just children thats never grown up. They dont like to be corrected in company. Dont send messages to em, send candy.

The government says they have loaned over One Billion dollars to the Farmers. In other words, we can't help you make any money, but we will show you where you can owe some more.

A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him.

Course, that's the trouble with politics, it breeds politics! So that makes it pretty hard to stamp out.

With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!

The Lord so constituted everybody that no matter what color you are you require the same amount of nourishment.

I tell you folks, all politics is applesauce.

We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.

You politicians have got to look further ahead; you always got a Putter in your hands, when you ought to have a Driver.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it

What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't nothing but one word wrong with everyone of us, and that's selfishness.

More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

That's one thing about Republican Presidents. They never went in much for plans. They only had one plan. It says "Boys, my head is turned. Just get it while you can.

I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.

Horsemanship through the history of all nations has been considered one of the highest accomplishments. You can't pass a park without seeing a statue of some old codger on a horse. It must be to his bravery, you can tell it's not to his horsemanship.

The trouble with land is that they're not making it anymore.

The deer season just opened. A deer hunter in Ventura Country brought in his first man yesterday.

In a real estate man's eye, the most expensive part of the city is where he has a house to sell

The United States investigates everything - usually after it's dead.

The budget is like a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, then reaches in and tries to pull real ones out.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.

If all the time consumed in attending dinners and luncheons was consumed in some work, the production of this country would be doubled

So here we are in a country with more wheat and corn and more money in the bank, more cotton, more everything in the world-there's not a product that you can name that we haven't got more of than any other country ever had on the face of the earth-and yet we've got people starving. We'll hold the distinction of being the only nation in the history of the world that ever went to the poor house in an automobile.