Top 141 Quotes & Sayings by Zach Galifianakis - Page 3

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people are desperate, and a lot of people are clueless, including me. It's hard to try to figure it out. I've never told you, but I have head shots that if you saw them... they're so terrible! It's so embarrassing.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.

I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.

I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work, it's really quite the opposite of what I am. I like sensitive art-house movies. I'm not even much of a partier. I mean, I'll drink myself into oblivion alone in my car.

People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.