Top 295 Quotes & Sayings by Bill Cosby - Page 2

we cannot afford to settle for being just average; we must learn as much as we can to be the best that we can. The key word is education - education with maximum effort. Without it, we cannot be in charge of ourselves or anyone else.

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

The serve was invented so that the net could play.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

Parents are people who yell and they yell and they yell and they yell. And you already have the point... and they're still yelling.

You'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend.

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, I love children because they're so honest. There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out.

I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

All parents experience the same problems.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

Parenting needs to come to the forefront.

A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

Your parents put a curse on you - Someday your kids are going to act just like you.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

The heart of marriage is memories.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them.

Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.

Romance is a different word than sexual contact.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.

No matter what you think-life goes on and the world still turns and the universe has its own story. The most we can do is plan anyway, but understand, be humbled by things greater than ourselves.

My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying I love you. His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, We're going here, we're going there, he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair.

YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.

I didn't like what was on TV in terms of sitcoms?it had nothing to do with the color of them?I just didn't like any of them. I saw little kids, let's say 6 or 7 years old, white kids, black kids. And the way they were addressing the father or the mother, the writers had turned things around, so the little children were smarter than the parent or the caregiver. They were just not funny to me. I felt that it was manipulative and the audience was looking at something that had no responsibility to the family.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.