Top 256 Quotes & Sayings by Eoin Colfer

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

What many people don't know about 'Peter Pan' is that it's a very violent book and Hook is one of the most finely observed villains ever.

I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.

I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

I am perhaps unusual in that I came to 'Doctor Who' through the numerous novelisations and not through the television show.

When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.

And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.

Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.

There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?

And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?

Trust me. I'm a genius.

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

'Insanity... I like it."

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Sometimes plans don't translate smoothly from paper to real life.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

I don't like lollipops.

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

Good. Illegal is always faster.

Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really feeling it. It shouldn't be "Who do we hate?", he thought, it really should be "whom", but this probably wasn't a good time to bring that up.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?

(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

Most craft give a nod, however brief and unfriendly, towards beauty. Vogon ships did not nod towards beauty. They pulled on ski masks and mugged beauty in a dark alley They spat in the eye of beauty and bludgeoned their wait through the notions of aesthetics and aerodynamics. Vogon cruisers did not so much travel through space as defile it and toss it aside.

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

Commander: What's that? Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?

Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.

Her glare was so intense that you completely forgot she was wearing pink.