Top 292 Quotes & Sayings by Louis C. K.
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Louis C. K..
Last updated on November 25, 2024.
Life is full of horrible mistakes.
I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.
I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.
When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep.
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.
Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people.
I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.
Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue.
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.
You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented.
There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'
I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.
I'm enjoying the work while I get it right now.
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.
I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is.
I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward.
I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk.
I like all ladies of all different ages.
Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.
Perception is created and twisted so quickly.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.
I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.
When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.
I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.
I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.'
You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'
It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.
I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum.
I don't have a brother in real life.
I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.
I was an awkward kid.
Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.
I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.
To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.
If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.
It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.
I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.
Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.
I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know?
Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on.
When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.
When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'
Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'
Oh, I love stand-up.
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.
Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?'
Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff.
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.
I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.
To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.
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