Top 1200 Practical Joke Quotes & Sayings - Page 3

Some of the large [municipalities] in Quebec can contain within them most of the answers to their own practical problems. And so lots of different possibilities for doing things in a practical and different way become available.

I like to joke about being gay because it's something teenagers would never joke about.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator.

Essentially a joke is creating an idea, whether sonic or visual, whether it's something musical or a traditional joke.

I joke, but only half joke, that if you show up in an American hospital missing a finger, no one will believe you until they get a CAT scan, MRI and orthopedic consult.

If I think something's funny, I try to mold it into a joke as soon as possible. Once I have a joke, I say it a million different ways on stage until I find a rhythm and it feels like it's as good as it can be.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

How Americans restore trust may be an existential question for their country, then, but it's ultimately a practical one: What U.S. society needs to answer it in the coming years aren't lamentations but practical measures, especially among the emerging generations that will define America's future.

Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know what the joke is, it's time to move on.

I always had a love for kids' clothes, but having your own kids is a better education for what is practical. I used to buy such crazy things for the store that were so much fun but not the most practical.

I found filmmaking to be a very practical art form. It's about figuring out how to create within the very practical limitations/constraints of time, money, and large groups of collaborators.

A joke is a joke or the image of a truth.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

It's easy to say, 'This is just a joke.' You know, the bearded lady? And I feel the need to smash it with every performance just because I want to be clear this is not a joke.

I am a fan of whatever makes me laugh my ass off. If it happens to be a Jew joke, then it's a Jew joke.

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, "Don, get up at a party and tell a joke," I'm the worst.

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.

You're over there in the corner either thinking about the dead dog or whatever, you're bringing up your personal life and you need the space, and then somebody throws you a joke. Especially if it's an emotional scene, you don't want the joke.

The best of my songs are more than just a joke. There's something else going on - a character, or it's not just a plain joke.

It doesn't mean you can't discuss important things, but I would never do a joke about cancer, just because I don't think any joke is funny enough to justify upsetting someone who is going through that.

I think, in a film that's supposed to last an hour and a half, I think you have to really pay attention to what kind of movie you're making, what is the audience experiencing, and does this joke fit with this joke?

I used to think of it as a joke that all paranoids were right. That was a joke in the '60s, but now I'm convinced that people should be paranoid reflexively - and then pare it down from there if there's any indication that they're wrong.

I sometimes joke - but the joke is not so wrong - that after my time in East Germany, I could either afford therapy to work through what happened under the Communists or move to New York.

John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

It is hard to think of practical applications of the black hole. Because practical applications are so remote, many people assume we should not be interested. But this quest to understand the world is what defines us as human beings.

To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.

The whole Universe is a large joke. Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke. So why take anything too serious.

Sometimes an actor will stumble on the joke, and I'm right on them. Back it up before the audience hears the bad version of the joke, because humor is 90% surprise. If they know what's coming, they won't laugh as hard.

There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no one's in Scranton.'

If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, don't laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as groaning or rolling your eyes. Then you wait for his next joke; if that's funny, then you laugh. If it's not, you don't laugh - or at very worst, you can leave quietly.

Gweneth Paltrow is a joke. Her life is like taking bullets for a soldier. What a joke! My 2 sons serving in the military should talk to her.

A lot of times, comedy writers will go for the gay joke, and I've been vocal about saying, 'Go for the smart joke.'

You know, I liken it to - when you write a joke for somebody else, it's like you - you know, like the Wile E. Coyote dynamite plunger, where he pushes the plunger down and then you see the fuse go then there's an explosion in the distance? That's like writing a joke for somebody. When you tell the joke, you're in the explosion.

For even the best of peace training is more theoretical than practical experience ... indirect practical experience may be the more valuable because infinitely wider.

If an opinion can eventually go to the determination of a practical belief, it, in so far, becomes itself a practical belief; and every proposition that is not pure metaphysical jargon and chatter must have some possible bearing upon practice.

I don't want to alienate anybody. If you're making a joke about men and men are laughing at it, it's a good joke.

If I've got a black joke, and I can't tell it in Oakland, then I shouldn't tell the joke anywhere else.

I thought everybody was in on the joke. But I was the joke.

At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.

A lot of times people come up to me saying 'oh my god you can see,' and they think they're the first person to think of that joke, but they're probably the 10,000th one to say that joke.

Dreams are practical reflections of feelings and concerns that were present in your mind at the time you had the dream. You are smart and practical. So are your dreams.

Surprise makes a joke funny. I love it when someone tells me something I couldn't possibly have expected; you've been led along one path and - bang! - the joke comes out of nowhere.

How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.

I'm not allowed to make a joke. It is a bit unfair how I'm treated. I thought it was a joke. I got calls and messages. I would rather not to have to worry about things like that. It is disappointing.

We're going for the joke on 'Children's Hospital,' and we're going for the joke on 'The League.' It's fun to go between shows, but you have to mentally remind yourself what show you're on.

I have a true love for the old style of Catskill comic. There's a joy in discovering a bad joke... and then there's the joy of delivering it like, 'Isn't this a hacky joke?'

There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage.

Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.

I knew at the time my haircut was pretty damn god-awful, so I was just hoping that I wasn't one of the joke ones. And they put me through to Hollywood and I thought, "Well okay, maybe I'm still one of the joke ones but at least I'm not terrible?"

A joke's a joke; you can either take it, or you can't.

Dominic Sherwood would always tell me a joke right before it was my take or my close up. He'd say a funny joke, and I couldn't stop laughing, even after they said, 'Action.'

For me, a tour show should have a narrative; it should have an arc. It shouldn't just be, "Here's one joke, here's another joke." That's not my style. They all have to somehow link together.

In all of Western civilization, there have been societies that celebrating the homosexuality, the ancient Greeks. But they, in fact, protected the institution of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. They got the joke. And the American people get the joke.

Then when we did the untitled record, we just didn't feel like putting joke stuff on it, so we didn't. It wasn't really a deliberation or a real introspective thing like, "Are we going to joke on this one, are we not going to joke on this one?" We just didn't feel like it on the untitled one, so we didn't.

I want to talk about being a big guy... it's not a fat joke. It's a joke about living the way you live.

I love doing theaters, cracking people up, hearing them physically roll in the aisles. But we need to get serious. These are serious times. No joke. No joke.

You can either just have fun with the joke or you can have fun with the joke and think about the implication of it. It's totally up to the listener.

I do believe that most men live lives of quiet desperation. For despair, optimism is the only practical solution. Hope is practical. Because eliminate that and it's pretty scary. Hope at least gives you the option of living.