Top 289 Joking Quotes & Sayings - Page 4

One time I dropped a fly ball in Milwaukee and, after the game, the writers asked me what happened. I told them, 'Well, I was looking up and a UFO flew right across. It was weird. I never saw anything like that in my life.' Man, I was only joking and they wrote it up and put it in the paper.

Excuse me?" Jess asked in disbelief. "This is Frozen Zarek I'm talking to, right? Not some weird pod person?" He shook his head at Jess's joking. "It's me, dickless." "Hey, now, that's way too personal. I don't need to know that much about you.

I think I enjoyed witnessing Robin [Williams] and John play off each other really well, even just joking around in between takes and stuff. I just got to stand back with the crew and be entertained and watch the show in front of me.

Some people actually pay bills with their win bonuses. If you don't win, there isn't anyone in the dressing-room smiling or joking or saying, 'Oh, there's always the next game.' In those lower divisions, losing actually hurts people and affects lives.

Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break... juggle something.

I grew up in Manchester in a big Irish family - there are seven of us in all - so my life has always been about role-playing, about doing anything for a laugh. I'm always joking about; that's the way I am.

I'm a big fan of gallows humor. When my aunt passed away, she was in a coma for a day before my cousins pulled the plug. And the amount of joking and base humor that went on that day around her bed was so insane. It's crazy how people talk when something horrible is happening.

I can spend the hour before the race cracking up with all my friends and joking around, but as soon as I get around that race car, I completely change. The focus changes. The competitive juices get flowing.

In every interview, when they would ask me who should be a judge, I would always say Harry Connick, Jr., so I think I had something to do with him becoming a judge! He has a blunt, dry sense of humor. You never know if he's joking or not, and I think that's going to catch a lot of people by surprise.

I have three children, and they have never spent a minute unsupervised in their lives. My generation overcompensated like mad. I'm not even joking, every kid on my street [growing up] was molested. My kids would not have had an opportunity to molested, because they've never been alone, which is going to create a whole set of problems.

Don't speak if you don't have to about trivia. The time for joking comes because of the trust, and you have to earn the trust. So, I don't alibi for anything, and I'll take the heat. That's the other thing. Don't let them take the heat. We take the heat.

I keep saying the sexy job in the next ten years will be statisticians. People think I'm joking, but who would've guessed that computer engineers would've been the sexy job of the 1990s?

A lot of guys have had a lot of fun joking about Henry Ford because he admitted one time that he didn't know history. He don't know it, but history will know him. He has made more history than his critics ever read.

I remember being in high school and this guy saying to me, 'You'd actually be good-looking if you didn't joke around so much.' That affected me, and so I stopped joking around, and I stopped being a goof because I thought people would like me better.

We fell silent and all joking ceased. We gazed mutely into each other's eyes and an intense longing for the fullest avowal of the truth forced us to a confession, requiring no words whatever, or the incommensurable misfortune that weighed upon us. With tears and sobs we sealed a vow to belong to each other alone.

General scepticism is the live mental attitude of refusing to conclude. It is a permanent torpor of the will, renewing itself in detail towards each successive thesis that offers, and you can no more kill it off by logic than you can kill off obstinacy or practical joking.

You were joking about the whole please and thank you thing, right?" "Meant every word." A little light danced in his eyes and he very deliberately said, "Baby." No. He laughed. "You should see your face right now." "Don't call me that." "Would you prefer 'darling'? Or maybe 'cupcake'?" He winked.

I made my first film McLibel independently but only by accident. I tried to get a commission from all the standard TV broadcasters but because they had been sued by McDonald's in the past none of them would commission me so I ended up making it by credit cards and rich boyfriends (I'm joking - about the boyfriends).

Brighter Than a Thousand Suns' by Robert Jungk and 'Surely You're Joking, Mr Feynman!' by Richard Feynman were both books my father purchased for me when I was in high school. Both left a lasting impression on me, because they chronicle the lives of some of the most creative scientists of the 21st century.

I like monsters in general - that's what I like to write about. Somebody was joking with me that my body was becoming a manual for a role-playing game because I'm covered in little monsters. That's true. I could easily have more monsters on my skin.

My ideal type of women? A person who is completely into me. It's fine even if she's so into me that it's a bit strange. She doesn't spend time with friends, she doesn't go out, but instead is unconditionally attached to me. I'm not joking. I really want someone like that.

How much truth is contained in something can be best determined by making it thoroughly laughable and then watching to see how much joking around it can take. For truth is a matter that can withstand mockery, that is freshened by any ironic gesture directed at it. Whatever cannot withstand satire is false.

My joking answer to this question is that I leave a bowl of milk out on the back porch every night for the Idea Fairy. In the morning, the milk is gone and there's a brand-new shiny idea by the bowl.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

It's always great to engage with people. You never know who you can make an effect on. And I love interacting with the fans, hearing what they have to say and joking around with them. Anytime I can reach out online and give encouragement, motivate people, be a better citizen, that's what it's all about, man.

Diego Costa is the one who plays around a lot, who jokes a lot in the dressing room. It's just his way, joking around with all of us, every hour of every day.

Senator Kerry recovering very nicely after having shoulder surgery. The doctors said the senator was fully awake, lucid and joking after the surgery was done, but cautioned that that was just the drug. He went back to his boring self soon afterward.

An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said. 'I could have tripped.' She stared at him. A moment dragged by. 'I'm joking,' he said at last. She relaxed. 'Really?' 'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.

In high school, a teacher once suggested that I be a math major in college. I thought, 'Me? You've got to be joking!' I mean, in junior high, I used to come home and cry because I was so afraid of my math homework. Seriously, I was terrified of math.

Anna Petrovna (to Shabelsky): You can't make a simple joke without an injection of venom. You are a poisonous man. Joking apart, Count, you're very poisonous. It's hideously boring to live with you. You're always grumpy, complaining, you find everyone bad, good for nothing. Tell me frankly, Count, did you ever speak well of anyone?

I've had people tell me that I should just be sad and not joke around on Twitter, but they don't understand that joking and being deeply sad are very close to each other. I'll have a horrible memory that I find hysterical one day, and the next day I'll cry about it.

People often say, 'I like your comics, even though I don't know enough math to get all of them,' as if it's some kind of club where they don't belong. But there's no club. There's just lots of people who are excited about thinking, learning, joking, and sometimes overanalyzing things.

It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.

To me, acting is a matter of absolute concentration. You can laugh and giggle with your friends up to the minute the director says, "Action!" Then you snap your mind into shape and into the character that you're playing and relate to the people that you're acting with and forget everybody else that you've been joking with.

Why don't you think we should dream of an African team winning the World Cup for the first time? People never allow this thought to cross their minds, and it is shameful. When you try to even say it, people look at you as if you're joking, but they forget that dreaming is the first step to success.

Andy [Hallett] was a real man - you can tell an adult by how they deal with pain or adversity. Andy's eyeballs gave him searing pain all day every day because of the contacts they used. He was every moment a gentlemen; laughing and joking, wiping the tears from his eyes.

I did a film in Nairobi, Kenya called 'The Last Elephant,' with John Lithgow, Isabella Rosallini, and James Earl Jones. So I was in seventh heaven, alright? About a year later I get a call from my agent and he says they want to see you for this project called Candyman. I thought he was joking so I hung up.

When I was 5 years old, hanging out with my friends who were all older than me, like 8 or 9, I was joking around like, 'Yeah, when I'm 20 that's a perfect age to go pro.' That's what I had in my head. Then I turn pro at 13. It's all been a mystery and its all been awesome.

There's always - somehow a red carpet everywhere. And I think that, you know, it's a fantasyland out here, you know. It's beautiful. It's sunny all the time. You know, there are beautiful people everywhere because you're not allowed to cross the Los Angeles city lines unless you're beautiful or skinny - joking kind of.

It's much better to have your arguments dismissed because you might be joking than to have your arguments dismissed because you're not telling the truth.

All those teams I was on that were successful were the ones that everyone had love for each other and had fun. Things that seem minuscule - joking around, laughing, conversing, all those things that seem childish - that is what builds camaraderie.

If I meant that I missed Bochy and Hunter, it's the guys I'd been joking around with most. Hunter is like my brother, and Bochy is like my dad. But at the end of the day, I missed all the guys.

I have a big TV screen and I sit there and watch the Premier League and I get angry sometimes - 'I'm better than that guy sitting there.' Of course, I am joking. But I analyse. I look at it technically, how they play, how they defend, how they attack, why did he change that player? That's the only way I can look at it after all these years.

Animated program was definitely a different process but it was fun though, it had elements of doing my podcast where we were all in a booth with microphones joking around and stuff. It was definitely a fun process.

The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.

That's a really common trap that people in small scenes will start to rely on. They'll have all this material joking about that place, and then take a trip to Atlanta or whatever, and be like, "Half my act is gone because I can't talk about how everybody has a bicycle."

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.

Once a priest told us that no one gets up in the pulpit without promulgating a heresy. He was joking, of course, but what I suppose he meant was the truth was so pure, so holy, that it was hard to emphasize one aspect of the truth without underestimating another, that we did not see things as a whole, but through a glass darkly, as St. Paul said.

The director sets the tone, and if someone's ruling it with an iron fist, people are quiet and the days go long in my experience, when there's a very serious tone, the days just drag. When there's someone who, in between takes, is joking or laughing the days go quick.

I would play my Dungeons and Dragons songs and watch people's eyes glaze over, and then I would start joking around between songs, and all of a sudden people were lighting up and engaging.

How can [actors] learn their lines and be honest in front of 30 people and all the lights? It makes me cry sometimes. I can't understand how they can be joking with me 30 seconds before, and 40 seconds later they're giving me all this incredible feeling.

My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just imagine, in a mere two years you’re at a profit.” “How I adore a woman who does mathematics in her head.” “I can forge signatures as well.” “Splendid. Exactly the bride I’ve been hoping for.

...Never tell a ticket agent, "As a matter of fact, I DID accept items from persons unknown to me! A nice man in a chadar gave me this awesome luggage freshener with a clock attached!" Federal regulations require them to have no idea you're joking as they riddle your body with bullets.

I never insert myself into situations where I am completely blind or don't have a single clue about what's being discussed. I don't to be an impostor and just helping for the sake of helping. If I am going to help somebody, I want it to be valuable. And if they don't follow my advice, then they are a frigging idiot. I'm joking.

I can’t help feeling a little bit competitive and a little bit disappointed in myself that I’m already so far behind. After all, Yulikova thinks Barron has a real future with the Bureau. She told me so. I told her that sociopaths are relentlessly charming. I think she figured I was joking.

I read all the speeches of the pope, his commentaries, and if the pope continues this way, I will go back to praying and go back to the church, and I'm not joking.

Every once in a while, friends leave sarcastic comments on photos. I know they're joking, but the sarcastic humor doesn't always translate well when I am sitting behind my screen reading it. In person, it's easier to play it off as a joke, but online, it can come across as offensive.

Well, in some ways I had sort of the opposite experience of other people that are sort of dreaming of being in a rock band. I was dreaming of like corporate lunches and just like, and I'm not really joking. Like the whole idea to me was really appealing.

You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.

Have either of you seen your mother ” “Yeah ” Ethan said and my heart actually skipped a beat. But I should have known Ethan was joking. “Slim lady. Blue eyes and a gray pageboy ” he continued his eyes glistening in appreciation of his own humor. “Answers to the name ‘Mom'.