A Quote by A. J. Jacobs
A few weeks later, I’m in a fluorescent-lit classroom in Chelsea awaiting the start of the official Mensa test. I’m sitting next to a guy who’s doing a series of elaborate neck stretches, like we’re about to engage in a vigorous rugby match. He’s neatly laid out four types of gum on his Formica desk: Juicy Fruit, Wrigley Spearmint, Big Red, and Eclipse. I hate this guy. I hope to God he’s not a genius.
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I hope I'm not sitting on a bench in a retirement home talking about what was: "Oh, I worked with this guy and that guy." I hope I'm still doing it for a really long time.
I hope people know that when I'm sitting there, it's not some guy on a desk on a platform with sort of this voice-of-God approach.
I can remember playing under the big wooden desk in his office. My mother didn't like us to chew gum, so we'd go into his office, and he'd feed us gum under the desk.
God bless Skrillex. I love the kid, but he puts out a new video, what, every four weeks? I'm like the Dos Equis guy. I don't normally do music videos, but when I do, I go big.
Culturally, it's really funny to me that people respect the weird guy as an artist. There can be a curmudgeon in the corner with spiders building nests in his hair, and he hasn't bathed for three weeks, but for whatever reason, he's more creative than the guy sitting next to him that's showered and is talking to everybody.
I hope I'm the next big thing. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess. I'm sure there are a lot of other 'next big things' coming up. I hope I can stand out as that guy.
I don't care about the little guy. I just hate the big guy. I hate big smug people who think they can get away with things.
You can't reinvent the wheel. I remember when we first started out at 'Late Night,' we were trying to hire directors, and this guy was like, 'I see you behind a glass desk.' I don't. And he's like, 'Yeah, the glass desk.' I go, 'I don't really see me as a glass desk guy.'
I loved wrestling, and I wanted to go out and entertain people and all that stuff, so I get trained, and when they decided, 'Hey, you're ready for a match, and you've got to start thinking about a character,' I was thinking this guy and this guy, and they go, 'No, no, no - you're a Muslim. You've got to be a bad guy.'
I'm the guy who will persist in his path. I'm the guy who will make you laugh. I'm the guy who strives to be open. I'm the guy who's been heartbroken. I'm the guy who has been on his own, and I'm the guy who's felt alone. I'm the guy who holds your hand, and I'm the guy who will stand up and be a man. I'm the guy who tries to make things better. I'm the guy who's the whitest half Cuban ever. I'm the guy who's lost more than he's won. I'm the guy who's turn, but never spun. I'm the guy you couldn't see. I'm that guy, and that guy is me.
I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and the gram was three quarters gone, I'd start wishing it was nine o'clock and hoping the guy got up early. But, of course, he didn't sleep either, so there was no sweat. During all those years, I was always looking forward to the next snort or the next guy I could score from.
What I hate more than sitting out is being on the floor and not being 100 percent. You know you can make this move, or guard this guy better, but something is hampering you from doing it, and in the NBA. finals I hate that more than sitting out.
On the first day of school, you got to be real careful where you sit. You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk, and the next thing you know the teacher is saying, 'I hope you all like where you're sitting, because these are your permanent seats.'
The thing about 'Bigfoot,' he's a big guy and he's agile for a big guy, but he's not that agile and he's not that athletic. In fact, being a big guy is probably his greatest asset.
Once I start to do a film, it has inferences. If a guy walks down a street and kicks a dog, you're saying something about that guy. A guy walks down the street and somebody's about to be run over and he shoves him out of his way and gets hit by the car himself, you're saying that guy's a hero. You can't avoid making certain statements.
There's just nothing funnier than, like, a guy awkwardly explaining to another guy that he's hurt his feelings, and then later, awkwardly, you know, forgiving him for doing that.
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