A Quote by Becca Fitzpatrick
If I had known things would turn out this way, I would have trained harder. I would have learned to take care of myself. But I guess that's the point, isn't it? You never know what you're going to have to face, so you'd better be prepared.
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I thank God that I became addicted to pain pills, because the process of going through rehab taught me more about myself than I had ever known. I wish I would have learned what I learned about myself I learned in rehab, going through life. You know, we're all raised to be loved. We care about what other people think of us, and sometimes to our detriment we let feedback and the opinions of others shape our own self-image. I was guilty of that, too. But in my professional life, I had mastered it. I didn't care what the critics said.
When I was younger, I did things with a camera I would not do by myself. I remember going down to the docks in San Francisco and asking a fisherman if he would take me out on his boat. I would never do that without a camera.
For years I've known at some point it's very likely the shoe would drop. Maybe someone would guess that I'm trans. Maybe they would know me from my life before I transitioned.
As a child I was on the sets all the time, even during vacation. Had I known I would be an actor, I'd have groomed and trained myself better.
I learned early that crying out in protest could accomplish things. My older brothers and sister had started to school when, sometimes, they would come in and ask for a buttered biscuit or something and my mother, impatiently, would tell them no. But I would cry out and make a fuss until I got what I wanted. I remember well how my mother asked me why I couldn't be a nice boy like Wilfred; but I would think to myself that Wilfred, for being so nice and quiet, often stayed hungry. So early in life, I had learned that if you want something, you had better make some noise.
If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
I had no idea what I was walking into, and the years and years of hard work it would take. I felt like an outsider and like it was never going to happen. But even if I would have known, I think I still would have done it. Dancers are perfectionists, and that's what keeps us going and growing.
We have to take care of our people. That's our work now. And it's going to be a lot harder than it would have been if Clinton was in the White House. But we have to do it anyway. We have to work for it! And it's not going to be easy. But guess what? It never was easy.
I think to myself, How would things be for me if my dad was still alive? Would we get along? Would we argue? You know, we never got to the falling-out stage with each other.
I have never said this to anyone before.” Leo’s voice was like ragged velvet. “But the idea of you with child is the most insanely arousing thing I’ve ever imagined. Your belly all swollen, your breasts heavy, the funny little way you would walk … I would worship you. I would take care of your every need. And everyone would know that I’d made you that way, that you belonged to me.
I tried to take solace in Holiday, our dog. I missed him in a way I hadn't yet let myself miss my mother and father, my sister and brother. That way of missing would mean that I had accepted that I would never be with them again; it might sound silly but I didn't believe it, would not believe it.
I was on the road with my brothers, traveling around the world, and things would be going well, and what would happen was that I'd be in a city, and there would be no way I'd know where to eat because I would only be there for 12 hours, and we wouldn't know where to go.
Many times in my life when things were not going as I had planned, I would try to take control and fix it. The harder I tried to fix things the harder the situation or the stress from the situation became. As I learned to trust that God had the best solution, my life became much more peaceful and I was able to get through problems much quicker.
It would be a wonderful experience to stand there in those enchanted surroundings and hear Shakespeare and Milton and Bunyan read from their noble works. And it might be that they would like to hear me read some of my things. No, it could never be; they would not care for me. They would not know me, they would not understand me, and they would say they had an engagement. But if I could only be there, and walk about and look, and listen, I should be satisfied and not make a noise. My life is fading to its close, and someday I shall know.
The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
I think it was always there and it was maybe a matter of bringing it out. It was harder than I thought it would be and I had to try harder. I had to regain my confidence, maybe the most important thing. I have learned a lot to relax. I know what I can do now, and I do it.
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