A Quote by Jeff Ross

My own personal rule is to tell jokes that I think the person I'm making them about can laugh at, to go home and tell their family, oh, my gosh.

Jeff Ross

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About Family Go Go Home Gosh Home Jokes Laugh Making My Own Oh Own Person Personal Rule Tell Them Think

Quote Author

Jeff Ross
American - Comedian
Born: September 13, 1965

I use a lot of humor, and I follow the saying that if you want to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh first, otherwise, they will shoot you. So I can tell you a joke and maybe you will laugh at the beginning. But it's not about telling jokes.

Sayed Kashua

I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren't funny.

Michael Caine

Oh you tell me that there's danger to the land you call your own, And you watch them build the war machine right beside your home, And you tell me that you're ready to go marchin' to the war, I know you're set for fighting, but what are you fighting for?

Phil Ochs

I think actors always like to think they don't bring the character home, and then their family all laugh and tell you otherwise.

Kate Beckinsale

I don't really want to tell jokes about trivia; I'd kind of rather tell jokes about things like life and death.

David Shrigley

It's terrifying to think about all things that were awful for you. But for me, sharing all of them was so satisfying, because people read them and get to go, "Oh, okay, I don't have to feel so shitty about that," or maybe even, "Why was I feeling so shitty about that? I should own that and learn from that." Those are the sorts of stories I want to tell.

Kelly Oxford

There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.

Demetri Martin

One of the great things about us Jews is that we tell the best jokes. Part of the reason is we tell jokes against ourselves - before anyone else gets to do it.

Howard Jacobson

I learned all those jokes in second grade. Second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and misogynistic jokes that you have no idea what they mean, and you just memorize them because they have a very strong effect, they make people laugh in this kind of nervous, horrible way, and it's only later that you realize that you've got a head full of crap.

Chuck Palahniuk

I think 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' have definitely staked out their own style and territory, and now the accusations are coming that 'The Simpsons' is taking jokes from 'Family Guy.' And I can tell you, that ain't the case.

Matt Groening

With the artists, I don't teach, I coach. I can't tell them how to make art. I tell them to make more art. I tell them to get up early and stay up late. I tell them not to quit. I tell them if somebody else is already making their work. My job is to be current with the discourse and not be an asshole. That's all I wanted in a professor.

Dave Hickey

They think that, if we were just smart enough, we'd be able to understand their policies. And I so want to tell 'em, and I do tell 'em, Oh, we're plenty smart, oh yeah - we know what's goin' on. And we don't like what's goin' on. And we're not gonna let them tell us to sit down and shut up.

Sarah Palin

Black folks tell their kids they have to be twice as good as a white person? Well, if I tell a child of mine that, or that they have to be careful - that this is what a cop would do if you do this - they think something is wrong with them. I tell them death is better.

Dick Gregory

When I tell a joke, I don't think about who's listening to it. I tell the jokes I think are funny.

Lee Mack

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.