A Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.
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My Mexican specialty is chilaquiles. I make tortillas from scratch, then add garlic, onions, eggs, chopped-up carrots and peppers, Jack cheese, and salsa.
We are going to do 'Hot Tub' until we die. Every Monday. Then we'll come back and do it as zombies. 'Hot Tub' is very important. What we do is based on our live skills. It's stand-up and sketch and improv; everything we do in 'Hot Tub' is important to our jobs. And every Monday I'm excited to do it.
I think it's creepy if a guy says, I would never hit a girl. Cause that should go without saying. That's like if you ever heard a guy go, I would never crap in a hot tub.
My wife and I have always thought it odd that, on social occasions, couples play the 'hot tub fantasy' game where you're allowed to pick a celebrity you'd like to share a hot tub with.
What tends to happen is that people will go - they've got hot broth, you know, they've added some liquid to their drippings, they've brought that up to heat. And then they try to add in a big clump of just kind of a handful of flour, and of course, it turns into library paste.
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .
Reading any collection of a man's quotations is like eating the ingredients that go into a stew instead of cooking them together in the pot. You eat all the carrots, then all the potatoes, then the meat. You won't go away hungry, but it's not quite satisfying. Only a biography, or autobiography, gives you the hot meal.
I remember not having a hot water tank, so we had to use a kettle for hot showers. So, you know, we would put the kettle on and go have a shower, and then my mum would come bring three or four kettles in, just to heat them up. And it would take five, 10 minutes for every kettle to heat up.
My mother did a fried vegetable dish called 'stuff.' It's fried potatoes and carrots. Then you add bell peppers, mushrooms and other softer vegetables. At the end you add onion. Then, you steam the dish with hot pepper cheese on the top and it melts down through the dish. It's delicious. It's wonderful.
Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.
Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her.
I love cheese, and I love onions, pickles, and crunchy things. That's as far as I go with having things crunchy on my burger. I wouldn't go as far as having carrots on my burger. I'll just keep it simple with pickles and cucumbers and some raw onions.
I don't like the grilled onions for some reason. I like regular, crispy, stinky onions.
I do this thing at every party: I go to a party, I stand around for, like, 45 minutes, and then I turn to my wife and say, 'I think we should go home.' And then we leave, and then I wake up the next morning and say to my wife, 'We don't go out anymore.' It's a great trick.
I know my age is a little older and some people might say, 'hey this guy's an old guy'. But I'm learning every day. I don't feel like an old guy. I feel like I'm young. I feel like I'm in there just learning so much stuff. I'm just doing a whole lot more different things than I was before.
I go through airports and people see the white hair and they said, 'Hey, the horse guy! Aren't you the horse guy?' Or I get, 'Has anybody told you that you look just like Bob Baffert?' I say, 'He must be a good-looking guy.'
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