A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. — © Mitch Hedberg
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn't know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life. After they were gone? That was all you thought about. Day and night.
Yet another last night. The last night at home, the last night in the ghetto, the last night in the train, and, now, the last night in Buna. How much longer were our lives to be dragged out from one 'last night' to another?
Everybody that listens to something hears it differently from their own perspective. And you can't please everyone. Don't even try. Please yourself first and then try to please those people around you that you feel know what you're doing.
You can't please people who don't really know you and, you know, I do think that one of the things I do want to do is please the people who matter to me and please the people that do know me.
Dear God, Please teach me to forgive myself and others. Remove the walls that keep love out, behind which I am a prisoner. Heal my guilt and remove my anger, that I might be reborn. Make gentle my heart and strong my spirit and show me how to love. Please show me how to honor myself. Please teach me how to listen to myself. "Please program my mind to know itself, that I might at last be free. Teach me to appreciate your spirit that lives within me. Show me how to be good to myself, that I might know more fully the goodness of life. Amen
People used to say, "Oh, I like SNL show, it's funny." And this 2017 season, people were saying, "Oh, I love the show, I needed it, thank you." It started towards the end of last year, when the Primary started to heat up. I remember in the summertime people were excited for it, talking about SNL in July and August.
Even a liberal city will have a prehistoric homophobe. After a show in Washington State, this guy came up to me and said, 'Your shows was a lot funnier before you started in on your agenda.' I told him, 'Please, please keep people like you from coming to my show. I'm glad you had a bad time.'
You don't want to do a show and then it's done and say, 'Wow, I didn't do anything.' Please, you don't understand how fast it goes. Before you know it, you're filming your last episode. People remember you a month, and then you're done.
And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
Sometimes you can just tell there's something unique about it, but you can never really truly tell until you show it to a third party - you show it to you friends, or you show it to people you know that know about music like my label or those kinda people.
At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
Those dreams I have at night are going to drive me crazy. Last night I dreamed that little red-haired girl and I were eating lunch together... But she's gone... She's moved away, and I don't know where she lives, and she doesn't know I even exist, and I'll never see her again... And... I wish men cried.
I mean, when we did 'Families At War,' on Saturday night prime time, people said we were mainstream then. But it wasn't in the least mainstream. The fact that we got that on BBC1 at that time with those ridiculous things, that's as mainstream as we get. We do what we do and people can think that it's mainstream or avant-garde.
Last night there seemed to be a chance. Anything was possible last night. That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings.
For everything I do, I think about a 6-year-old girl and her mom that I saw at my concert last night. I think about what those two individuals would think if I were at a club last night. I never want to be arrested, and I never want to get a DUI, those are my moral values.
When I was a teenager, I was trying to please people. I kept changing who I was to please the people I was with. And so once I just decided I wasn't going to do that anymore. I was going to live my life to please God. And so from that day to this, that's been my aim. Some people don't understand, but you can't please everybody anyway.
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