A Quote by Peter Crouch
Right from school, I got mockery for the way I look. I took it to heart early on. I admit there were times when I doubted myself.
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My parents were wonderful Christians. They were religious, but they were not fanatical in any way. I was the one who took it to the extreme. I was told in Sunday school that you had to accept Jesus into your heart if you didn't want to go to hell. So of course I did that a thousand times. But the catch was you had to mean it with all of your heart.
I want to look at myself the way I do on purpose, because if you aggrandize and try to look at yourself the way a fan does or the way a reviewer does or the way - God bless them, they all got a right to, everybody's got a right to an opinion about it.
I always doubted myself. I doubted the way I looked, my body, my voice - everything.
I had never fought a guy before that I had put on a pedestal the way I did with Carlos Condit. I've got his walkout shirt. He's a former champion. I'm a huge fan. I doubted myself a lot of times.
I got to do something I never do, which is go to Starbucks and read 'The New York Times' until 7 a.m. I took my daughter to school on the East Side, which was a lot of fun. And I admit I played Call of Duty, one of those war video games.
After I got dropped by Interscope, I knew in my heart that I had to fight back some way or not rap at all. I just took it upon myself to get myself where I needed to be.
I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why.
I was raised a right-wing Republican and was about eighteen when I had to admit to myself that in regards to the great domestic crucible of the day, civil rights and racial justice, conservatives were on the wrong side historically and morally, and that it took too much intellectual and psychological jujitsu to pretend otherwise. I didn't want to pretend anymore; I wanted to be on the right side.
I have made a few mistakes early on that I admit myself, and there have been times when I have gone over the top and done things that you shouldn't do in international cricket, but that's how you learn.
I was in the Spurs team and in the Ireland team when I got it and I admit it took its toll on me when I came back. But look, there were many, many people worse off than me.
My sister and I were not allowed expensive clothes. We so badly wanted these Fila sneakers as kids, but my mother took us down to the flea market and got imitation ones. Look at the early Destiny's Child videos. You'll see.
When I came to Mumbai to audition for a dance reality show, I was in top 100. I doubted myself and did not get through. It was a lesson for me... After that day, whenever I used to go for auditions, I never doubted myself.
My early wounds were the English school system among other things. It wasn't merely the discipline, it was the ways in which boys got what was called the school spirit.
When I look back at my first few seasons in the NBA, we didn't dominate as a team. There were a lot of nights where we took a beating and got whacked across the head. But we got better along the way, and we started to taste the success. With that came the pressure and expectations to be successful.
I was in my early thirties writing about my early twenties, so there was this way of seeing my younger self from enough of a distance to have perspective but also not to feel that I had to protect myself. My dreams for myself then would have undersold myself in a way.
There were times when I got frightened. Things weren't going right, so I just went out and got smashed. That's me. Something goes wrong, I find a bottle. I don't like it about myself but I've done it before and I'll do it again. But I never vanished for days or held up shooting or quit the picture.
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