A Quote by Sylvie Guillem
Having limits to push against is how you find out what you can do. I have always been full of contradictions. I am shy but I love the freedom of the stage. I need reassurance but at the same time I don’t want it. I hate being afraid but I can’t help wanting to frighten myself. That is how you grow.
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Having limits to push against is how you find out what you can do.
I think it's better to have limits. My limits are different from other people's limits. I'm all for freedom, I'm all for people doing what they want. I'm also all for people shouldering the consequences of their behaviors, and not being assholes, and not lying unless they need to, and being honest except when you shouldn't, and being faithful except when it's okay to cheat. I guess I'm just a mass of contradictions.
Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not 'How am I to find God?' but 'How am I to let myself be found by him?' The question is not 'How am I to love God?' but 'How am I to let myself be loved by God?'
I just want to say this. I love being a woman. I love playing a woman. I love being a whole and full woman. I am more than my parts, and we all are. And we all, as women, need to continue to change our gaze from how we are seen to how we are seeing. We are full and beautiful women, and let us live in that.
I'm not singer; every time I have the urge to sing something, I don't want to do it in front of certain people. I was always that kid afraid of failing, so I just didn't do things. I don't know how to ride a bike, I don't know how to drive. I broke out of shell a bit, and I still am. I think it's more about trying to be the full person I imagine myself to be, regardless of what that means in terms of labels, shade from people, and all of that.
I still find it hard to push my own limits. I know where my limits are and that I always have to push myself.
I've just learned how to put things into perspective and how to not be afraid of change while making decisions for myself. Also, asking for what I want and demanding what I need and being more confident in who I am and my ability.
I can't take it anymore. The waiting. The wanting. Something inside me snaps. I hate myself. I hate that I have to deal with this. I hate my life. And I hate how I can't count on anyone to be completely there when I need them, exactly the way I need them to be.
I think that I'm shy and I judge myself. But at the same time, I also have big contradictions. I can be sometimes sure of myself as well. I'm not always fragile and vulnerable. I can feel tough and strong.
I don't like to use the word 'legacy' because it sounds a bit like I'm full of myself, but I am trying to see how far I can take myself, how far I can push being the best in the world.
I was not happy with myself as a human being when I was very young - I was afraid of people; I was afraid of talking, I didn't know how to express myself other than by being on stage.
People always ask, "How do you get in the mind of the teen reader?" I think all human beings have these common threads. We struggle with the same things. We desire love and attachment. We have to sort out how much we want to be attached and be independent, how we manage need and being needed and being hurt. These are things that begin when we're - how old? Then in those teen years we start to really feel them.
The truth was that I'd been spending years running away from myself. I hid myself in drama, silliness, stupidity, banality. So afraid to grow up. So afraid to involve myself in relationships where I might be expected to give the same love I got - instead of sixth-grade shenanigans. I bored myself with all the when I grow up nonsense, but I was worried it would never happen even as I longed for it.
The one thing I'd always wanted to do in my career is push myself out of my comfort zone - I think I'm really comfortable with being uncomfortable. So that's why I played pro men's hockey, that's why I played softball and hockey at the same time, that's why I'm not afraid to speak up - that's just who I am.
I always knew that the only thing I wanted to do was act, but it took me a long time to say it out loud to anyone, let alone myself. I am surprised by how dogged I have been in wanting to make a living as a respected actress.
I've been very lucky in the freedom that I've been given. Every artist needs two types of freedom: You need the freedom to - the freedom to come up with an idea or treatment - and then you need the other half of the freedom, and that's freedom from - somebody saying, 'This is great. This is how I want you to do it'.
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