A Quote by Alaina Huffman
The older I get, for me it's about fear. If I read something and it scares the hell out of me, that's what I want to do. If it's a challenge and a massive risk and I'm going out on a limb ... those are the ones I want. And they are few and far between. I don't work very much because I'm very specific about what I want to do.
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It doesn't matter that Bush scares the hell out of me. What matters is that he scares the hell out of a lot of very important people in Washington who can't speak out, in the military, in the intelligence community.
I think too much is known about me already. I think biographical information can get in the way of the reading experience. The interchange between the reader and the work. For example, I know far too much about Norman Mailer and Kurt Vonnegut. Because I know as much as I do about their personal lives, I can't read their work without this interjecting itself. So if I had it to do over, I'd probably go the way of J.D. Salinger or Thomas Pynchon. And just stay out of it altogether and let all the focus be on the work itself and not on me.
The scheduling thing is really weird with TV shows. Certain projects haven't been able to work out because of the schedule, so some of it is out of your control. You don't have very many opportunities. There isn't much time, so you want to make sure you're going to be doing something that you really feel good about or that you're going to have a good creative experience doing. You're taking up vacation time from your job, so you want it to be meaningful.
I have a gut reaction to stuff that I read. Either it's a filmmaker that I really want to work with, or it's a story that I really want to be a part of and help serve, or there's a character that I feel I can bring something unique to. That's really what it's about. I would go crazy, if I just relied on the same tricks and did the same thing, all the time. It was just be no fun, at all. I really do need to try something different, every time out, and do something that scares me, a little bit.
I've always been able to fake my way into confidence. Sometimes I put my own fears aside to make sure I'm being of service to others. To clarify - hell yes, it was brave of me to step out in my lingerie for the commercial compaign, not because I'm plus-sized, but because I'm a human being. People get it confused. I'm brave because I'm not afraid of what people are going to say about me. It's not an easy thing to do, but it is something that I will always challenge myself to do. I don't want to be held back by my body because someone tells me I should.
I've always known that I wanted to be different. I wanted to stand out, so my gear is very elaborate, very blingy, very loud, because I want people to notice me, want to look like me. The Boss necklace, the ring. I want everything big.
I want to stop. I want to stay on Fårö, and read the books I haven’t read, find out things I haven’t yet found out. I want to write things I haven’t written. To listen to music, and talk to my neighbors. To live together with my wife a very calm, very secure, very lazy existence, for the rest of my life.
That's not going to happen, because I don't want it to happen. I don't want a movie about me until I'm very, very old - when I'm very, very old, everybody that wants to play me will be middle-aged.
If I can challenge old ideas about aging, I will feel more and more invigorated. I want to represent this new way. I want to be a new version of the 70-year-old woman. Vital, strong, very physical, very agile. I think that the older I get, the more yoga I'm going to do.
Not to any really influential effect, but certainly there have been comments that have surprised me. It's surprising sometimes to get particular perspectives on your work, and it's enlightening sometimes to know that non-writers and readers out there have certain assumptions about everything that I both want to keep in mind and want to forget about why I write, and about the connection between me as a private person and the stuff that I think about on the page.
I had self-doubt about whether my story was interesting to people. I didn't want to write something that was anecdotal. It was important to me that people would get something out of my book. I want people to read it and say, "Now I don't feel so alone," or "I'm going to remember that next time I'm being an asshole."
I don't work out and be healthy and want a strong body because I want to look good in a bikini. I do all of those things for me and for my health. I'm not going on the cover of 'Maxim' and 'FHM' because that's not me.
To me, the producing falls into the same as acting. It requires so much time out of your life, and I take it very personally, I realize. So if I do something, it just has to be something I love and I don't want anyone else to do. When I open projects, maybe something will appeal to me. I think I'm not opening them because I don't want anything to appeal to me right now.
But for me it's very difficult to finish music on my own. It's the fear of losing the fun. It's very easy to get a sketch of something or an idea together in a very short time, to try out something new, but to get a five minute track to play out is much harder, at least for me. When I start to construct something, it often ends in frustration.
I don't want to be a basket case on set. I try to sort of quiet all of that, all those thoughts, kinda just let yourself be aware of them when you're preparing to do the work but then once you get there you have to feel as free as possible. Anything that I perceived as something that ran the risk of stressing me out, I just left outside the studio doors because I didn't want to undermine myself.
Part of why I wanted to produce was because I wanted the opportunity to work on projects I want to see. As a writer and as a director, I'm very specific about the kinds of things that I want to do. The opportunity that producing has given me is that by working with different writers and trying to get their movies made, or developing their script, or making their movies, every time I'm doing it, I'm learning and then bringing something to my own work. I like to think that there's a little bit of back and forth that goes on.
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