A Quote by Amanda Palmer
When I find myself having to share a meal with someone who simply wants to complain about the world, I almost feel myself wanting to crawl out of my skin and just sort of scurry away. But being able to pick up on that stuff and being able to easily identify the people walking towards the light instead of walking towards the darkness, that's a skill I'm very, very glad to see growing in myself.
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When I think about it like that, it feels like a burden. But that won't mean I'll be single for the rest of my life - I hope. I feel very settled with myself in my world. I don't feel as needy and desperate to prove things about myself. In my twenties I was very keen to achieve this and disprove this and that. Now I enjoy just being able to concentrate on my children and my work and myself.
I definitely think when I'm feeling super down or having tantrums or not able to participate in any activities, I have to control myself. I have to tell myself, 'No, focus, focus, focus, do this, do this, do this.' Instead of shutting down, I encourage myself to think positively and move towards the light.
I find myself applying the addict's impulse to how I cruise. I don't look at the ass. If I see a hot guy walking towards me I look at his arm, and if he has a vein I fantasize about shooting up with him.
I would love to be able to program myself to pick up any instrument and to be able to play it very, very well, and to be able to read music and dance as well. I'm very uncoordinated, and I'd love to be able to bust a really great move.
It's the balance I'm trying to find - not being disconnected but giving myself some space to be in my world. I feel like I'm surrounded by friends of mine who are very different from one another but all care about similar things. We talk about this a lot, and I think that's probably the main thing - being surrounded by good people is the best way to stay in a solid head space. You want to be able to talk about these things, and be able to think things through and feel things through. That's helpful for me.
There's nothing worse than the frustration of having somebody who you feel doesn't get what you're doing, trying to turn it into something else. It's a very, very annoying and sort of frustrating thing and I just never wanted to go through it. I was very fortunate as I came up through the film business that I was able to insulate myself from that.
I made a promise to myself to write songs I liked. I'm an acoustic singer/songwriter, and I need to be able play every song by myself on guitar. No matter what the production ends up being on the record, I've got to be able to go out and sell it all on my own. It's about connection.
When I got back I found myself being very emotional about the time spent in Rwanda in a way that I hadn't been able to or allowed myself to be when we were there.
I was trained professionally to connect with people as a therapist. That's job number one, having a empathetic regard towards someone who is sitting right across from you. Being able to pull whatever their needs are, their desires and the things that are troubling them and being able to address that in some way.
I talk openly about my past and what I've gone through - abuse being something that was very real in my household, and a lot of chaos growing up as a child. I think that I naturally just gravitated towards music that I could really feel on a deep level - and that meant sadness. I was able to connect with that at a really young age.
Once you have the light of God within you, you see things within yourself that you did not know existed. Things that were hidden in darkness are now in light. I see myself as able to forgive... to love... I even see talents in myself that I didn't see before.
Kids will pick up on weakness, and I was very shy growing up. I was skinny and flat-chested; I didn't have the latest clothes. For me, it was about being left out and not having any friends and being laughed at. I was very lonely, but that happens to so many people.
We were very athletic growing up. My dad basically trained us like boys when we were little, so being able to physically challenge myself and to be able to do crazy stunts and not use my stunt double was super exciting for me.
There's a difference between wanting to be respected and being a strong female and being known for being able to do things, but still very much wanting guys to open the door, wanting them to ask us out, still bringing flowers and stuff like that.
Solitude is the human condition in which I keep myself company. Loneliness comes about when I am alone without being able to split up into the two-in-one, without being able to keep myself company.
Sometimes when I can't communicate that I'm frustrated, I'll just grab my guitar and I can play out that emotion and be able to cope with whatever is going on. So even being able to, like I said, share this gift with so many other people, it's definitely very therapeutic. It helps me just to focus and to be able to kind of get out those emotions that I'm having without reacting in such a way that's not acceptable in society.
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