A Quote by Ananya Panday
A lot of stuff people said to me when I was younger subconsciously stayed with me and became my biggest insecurities.
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At home and in church - which I didn't go to a lot, I was very rebellious, but my family was strict Christians - they would ask us, 'What's the shortest verse in the Bible?' and I was the one who always said 'John 11:35' straightaway. It stayed with me: the Bible has stayed with me.
That was the biggest thrill, going over to these guy's houses and having them want me to practice with them and they would show me a lot of stuff, which was really advanced stuff to me at my age.
I was very rebellious, but my family was strict Christians - they would ask us, "What's the shortest verse in the Bible?" and I was the one who always said "John 11:35" straightaway. It stayed with me, the Bible has stayed with me.
A lot of people ask me what has been the biggest change with me being in England and a lot of people expect me to say something related to football, but mostly it's just growing up and becoming a man.
Younger feminists actually care about stuff that came before them, the same way that I totally cared about and loved and felt so lucky to have access to the feminism that came before me. To have younger people take what me and my friends have done, and to say 'We have access to that, but we're going to put that through our own Internet generation filter and we're going to make it into something that speaks to us and is a lot smarter.'
A lot of stuff has been said about me. People said I was a Malayali because I have Shivan in my name just like Santhosh Sivan does. But I'm a Tamilian.
One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like'
It doesn't mean old or younger. I've learned a lot from people much younger than me as well as people much older than me. So I think it's about honesty and generosity.
Later, when I was at Caesar's Palace, and [Joe and Gil Cates] were trying to get me to have opening acts for the show, they gave me a list of people, and Rosie O'Donnell was one of them. I said, "I don't really need any opening acts. I have funny stuff in the show, and I do a lot of comedy and stuff."
I embraced everything that I thought would hold me back from pursuing my dreams and used my insecurities to give me the courage to inspire and advocate for others who possessed many of the same insecurities I had.
That's what David Caruso said to me. We were talking about the whole Emmy thing, and he said that one of the things about awards in this town is that a lot is about the drama - like the drama of the performance. And he said "Your show, The Wire, looks so real, it almost looks like a documentary. And people who aren't artists - a lot of people who vote for this stuff - don't get it."
In my time, I've gotten the chance to play a few different people who are younger and have been rejected by their parents, and I think a lot of times that results in them really seeking help, even subconsciously doing so.
When it became easy enough to do dairy online, then I just thought, "Oh, I'll start doing this. I'll put the parts online that aren't going to get me in trouble. I'll save the rest for myself." It became also this kind of self-therapy. I could write about stuff that was bothering me, or personal stuff. And the very personal stuff I could edit out. But it was kind of the catharsis of getting it out and writing about it, that made me think, "Okay, I see why people do this, why they keep these diaries." So I thought, "Well, let's see what happens when I post some of it."
It's amazing to realize that a lot of the insecurities I had when I was younger have pretty much disappeared.
For me as a young kid, my parents took me to random cities. I stayed at my relatives and the biggest trouble I had was watching TV on my own.
When my birth parents were murdered, I stayed outdoors all night with the bodies. Years later in America, around fourteen, my psychiatrist explained to me that staying with the bodies that night made me fearless. He said that it made me an 'emotional exhibitionist' and told me never to let people convince me that I was weird for speaking with clarity and passion.
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