A Quote by Andy Borowitz

To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

Andy Borowitz

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Anniversary Mark Mitt Mitt Romney Nominated Republicans Romney Titanic

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Andy Borowitz
American - Writer
Born: January 4, 1958

The Republican Party has moved so far to the right, you can't recognize Mitt Romney. What Mitt Romney will appear in October? Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen.

Arlen Specter

I don't like Mitt Romney. I wouldn't vote for Mitt Romney in a million years. Mitt Romney is no ally of the gay community.

Dave Rubin

I gave Mitt Romney some donations for his campaign because he was a friend, and friendship came first. I've always been a Democrat, and I've had different views than Mitt Romney. I'm not Mitt Romney, and I think people will realize that when they meet me out there.

Stephen Pagliuca

I was one of the hardest-hitting conservatives on George W. Bush. Republicans didn't like me on George W. Bush. Republicans still don't like me on many things. If any Republican thinks I've been hard on Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich or any of these guys, wait until Mitt Romney gets into office. I'll hold his feet to the fire just as much.

Glenn Beck

The nominee is Mitt Romney. Paul Ryan joins Mitt Romney. The budget plan, the approach on Medicare and all of that is going to be the Romney plan. What he has is a man as his number two who understands the details of budgets, who has demonstrated a willingness to take on tough issues.

John Sununu

If the Republicans embrace these great people that are showing up, the Republicans are going to have a massive victory. It's not going to be a Mitt Romney slaughter, because he was such a bad candidate.

Donald Trump

Well, one of the things a lot of Americans don't know, when Mitt Romney is nominated a few days from now, he will be the most experienced executive to be nominated for the presidency since Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, who had run a university and had run the allied war effort. That's actually a big deal.

Artur Davis

Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney.

Bill Maher

Maybe the establishment has to get out too. I don't know. When you look at what's going on, Republicans have lost two big elections in a row. Big ones. And the last one with Mitt Romney should have been won easily. You know, you're going against a failed president.Barack Obama has done a horrible job; he's been a horrible president. And he was just as bad four years ago, and Mitt Romney should have won that election; and he didn't.

Donald Trump

Secretary of state, now they're saying it's between Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani, which has a lot of our viewers saying, how could Mitt Romney even be in the running given how loyal Rudy Giuliani was to Mr. Trump. And even if you might like Mitt Romney, he was not loyal and in fact he savaged Trump during the primary.

Megyn Kelly

New polls show that Obama is now pulling away from Mitt Romney. And, of course, what could be more natural than to see Mitt Romney and pull away?

Bill Maher

Mitt Romney got 59 percent of the white vote in 2012, considered by many to be a high-water mark with this demographic group. Can [Donald] Trump win a higher share of white voters than Romney and get more of them to turn out?

Mara Liasson

Mitt Romney won the GOP nomination on a platform of 'self-deportation' for illegal immigrants - and the Obama team never let Hispanics forget it. The Obama campaign also branded Republicans with Romney's ill-chosen words about 47 percent of Americans as the party of uncaring millionaires.

John Dickerson

Mitt Romney said many years ago that he thought Russia was the single biggest geopolitical threat to the United States and their presence in a variety of conflicts of one type or another have borne out much of what Mitt Romney said.

Charlie Baker

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Andy Borowitz

If you're asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.

John Oliver

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