A Quote by Andy Borowitz
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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Before a baby is born, you have a baby shower, not a fetus shower.
In the Mexican culture, we never miss a baptism, a birthday, a baby shower, a wedding shower, a wedding. You must show up. Otherwise, you'll be in big trouble.
My little girl, Anja, is really excited. We had a baby shower yesterday and she took the presents from everyone for me and was telling them, 'No, it's my baby.'
I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did... I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby...' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'
The Christmas season reminds us that a demonstration of religion is always much better than a definition of it...especially in front of the kids.
Perhaps the best Yuletide decorations are to be wreathed in smiles and wrapped in hugs.
The miracle of Christmas is that a baby can be so decisive.
It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty founder was a child himself.
I love Christmas. I'm totally the 'decorate early, start listening to Christmas songs super-early' guy.
I took a baby shower.
When I met Letterman, he told me he thought 'Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)' was the greatest Christmas song he ever heard, and he wanted me to be on his show to sing it.
I had several moms who knew and didn't bring gifts for the baby and instead brought me food, candles, journals - the women who were like, "Actually, I know this is a tough time for you, and it's much more important that I show up here instead of to the baby shower."
I love giving the golden shower. I've done it before in the shower. It's like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.
The shower is my time to open up my operatic chops, because of the enormous echo. You sound five times as big in the shower, so I break into some "Nessun Dorma" from Puccini 's Turandot or Pearl Jam. You've got to go big when you're in the shower. There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.
At Christmas, I am always struck by how the spirit of togetherness lies also at the heart of the Christmas story. A young mother and a dutiful father with their baby were joined by poor shepherds and visitors from afar. They came with their gifts to worship the Christ child.
We always joke about how I'm on the road and they'll be like, 'Man, you need to take a shower.' Nah, it ain't Saturday. It ain't Sunday. I take a shower once a month. Nah, it ain't that bad. You know, baby ain't gonna handle that. My wife is not gon' handle that. She's not gon' have me walking about the house stankin'.
We tend to focus our attention at Christmas on the infancy of Christ.
The greater truth of the holiday is His deity.
More astonishing than a baby in the manger is the truth that this promised baby
is the omnipotent Creator of the heavens and the earth!
When a mother comes home with her new baby, she will find her abstractions are all concrete now. 'Freedom' now means being able to take a shower. 'Mobility' means being able to reach the glass of water on the dresser while not breaking the baby's suction on the breast. 'Flexibility' means being able to push the Record function on the VCR without dropping the baby.
I love classic Christmas. I love just warmth and a little bit of glam. You gotta have the silvers and the golds and what not, but I go a little overboard.
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