A Quote by Anthony Carrigan
Even when I was in my 20s, very few of my friends even knew that I had alopecia. I kept it under wraps. I didn't want to let anyone know, and I didn't want it to affect my career or the possibility of me getting hired for a job.
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But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
I didn't have a job because nobody would hire me. My friends were getting hired, and I couldn't even get a job interview. That really rocked my self-esteem because I didn't understand what I did wrong on those job applications.
And I knew in my bones that Emily Dickinson wouldn't have written even one poem if she'd had two howling babies, a husband bent on jamming another one into her, a house to run, a garden to tend, three cows to milk, twenty chickens to feed, and four hired hands to cook for. I knew then why they didn't marry. Emily and Jane and Louisa. I knew and it scared me. I also knew what being lonely was and I didn't want to be lonely my whole life. I didn't want to give up on my words. I didn't want to choose one over the other. Mark Twain didn't have to. Charles Dickens didn't.
I went to quite an academic school, and all my friends were going to university, but even before my acting jobs, I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to spend another three years being institutionalised, and I feel that getting out of that system benefited me in quite a few ways.
I just felt very young and unprepared. I didn't know anyone who'd been pregnant, and I didn't know anyone who'd had a baby. Because everyone around me didn't really get it, I just kept on as though nothing was happening, even though I was slightly scared and throwing up everywhere.
I had watched Magic my whole career, even before my career, and so I knew the style of player that he was, and I knew what I had to do to prohibit him from being as effective on the basketball court as he had been throughout his career.
Paul Michael Glaser was very nice to me, and I was again told, "Do less and less and less and less." And I still was bad! I can't believe I kept getting hired after some of these things I did! It's baffling to me. I'll go back and look at it, and I can't even watch it [Running man film].
Even when I get to the point where I am acting and performing, where I want to be with my career, I'm never going to think of anyone as lower than me. Everyone's the celebrity of their own life, you know?
This is the meanest thing anyone’s ever done to me,” I said, through my tear-clogged throat. “I want you to know that.” But even as the words were leaving my mouth, I knew it wasn’t true. In the grand, historical scheme of things, my father leaving us was doubtlessly worse. Which is one of the many things that sucked about my father?? he forever robbed me of the possibility of telling another man, This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and meaning it.
I just think of Fannie Lou Hamer, because even though she didn't know my name Ms. Hamer was thinking of me. I just want to do a good job, because I want her to look over that edge of heaven and say, "That's why I did it. That's why. I knew we had the capacity and the talent to be everything America says we can't be. All we needed was an open door."
People always say to me, 'It must have been wonderful coming from old Hollywood, with all those movie stars,' but I never knew anyone. I didn't even know who Charlie Chaplin was. My parents really kept me away from it all.
I grew up with an absolutely horrible, debilitating stutter, and it was what caused me to retreat into myself and caused me to have very few friends and not want to socialize, and it made me absolutely terrified of giving reports in school. It was awful. It wasn't until I was 19 that I had intensive speech therapy. I had it for two years and it really helped, though I will say when I'm tired, the stutter comes out, even now.
Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn't want to have a child. I knew I didn't want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I'm around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night.
I had a lot of friends for a long time who were gay, and I didn't even realize it for awhile. Even in my mid- to late 20s, I was still pretty naive about it.
I think 2014 for me is going to give me the possibility to do even bigger things than anyone has done. I want to change the party scene - like, stop just being a DJ with lights, a big LED screen, and oh-look-at-me speakers. There's way more to a party, and I think everyone knows it. I want to make it special.
I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports.... When you are old, I want you to recall those few hours, I want your dry bones to quiver with joy when you think of them.
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