A Quote by Augusten Burroughs

Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle? Isn't it beautiful? Yes, it's beautiful. I unscrew the cap and pour it into the toilet. I flush twice. And then I think, why did I flush twice? The answer, is of course, because I truly do know myself. I cannot be sure I won't attempt to drink from the toilet, like a dog.

Augusten Burroughs

Quote Topics

Answer Attempt Bathroom Beautiful Because Bottle Brainwashed Cannot Cap Carry Course Did Dog Drink Flush Hold Know Light Like Myself Pour Pretty Rehab See Sure Then Think Toilet Truly Twice Up Why Yes

Quote Author

Augusten Burroughs
American - Writer
Born: October 23, 1965

The humble latrine, or flush toilet, reduces disease by twice as much as just putting in clean water.

Rose George

We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we'd go and flush it.

Adam Thielen

People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your hotel. On your arrival, you get $100 in quarters. Take that $100 back to your hotel room and stare at it for a long, long time. Why? Because you're never going to see them again. Then you take those quarters to the bathroom and you flush them, one by one by one. And the nice thing about that is that every so often the toilet will back up, and you'll feel like a WINNER!

Lewis Black

My Twitter is a joke toilet, and I filter all these old, cringe-y parts of my brother and my childhood through that in an attempt to flush it down the drain forever.

Cole Sprouse

The bottle is where everything sad or mean or confusing can go. And the blues--it's like that bottle. But in the bottle there's a seed that you let grow. Even in the bottle it can grow big and green. It's full of all those feelings that are in there, but beautiful and growing too.

Heidi W. Durrow

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.

Jessica Hahn

Bangkok is a toilet without a flush.

Bhumibol Adulyadej

If all you do is talk crap, I'll just flush the toilet.

Behdad Sami

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

Carolyn Gold Heilbrun

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.

Megan Fox

It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.

Dave Barry

I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

John Swartzwelder

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Dov Davidoff

Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much we have.

Alicia Silverstone

The most work he did on [the urinals] was to run a brush once or twice apiece, singing some song as loud as he could in time to the swishing brush; then he'd splash in some Clorox and he'd be through. ... And when the Big Nurse...came in to check McMurphy's cleaning assignment personally, she brought a little compact mirror and she held it under the rim of the bowls. She walked along shaking her head and saying, "Why, this is an outrage... an outrage..." at every bowl. McMurphy sidled right along beside her, winking down his nose and saying in answer, "No; that's a toilet bowl...a TOILET bowl.