A Quote by Augusten Burroughs
When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth.
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My guilty pleasure is vanilla cupcakes! I love cupcakes! I love cupcakes. When it's really bad, it's 12 per day. I've fallen asleep with cupcake in my mouth, like, frosting all over my mouth. More than - several times.
My best friend, Andrew Goldberg - and this is genuinely not me trying to cross-promote, but this new Netflix show I'm doing called Big Mouth is about me and my best friend, Andrew Goldberg, from childhood - but there was a year when I went to his house after school every day and we watched Wayne's World and ate Doritos.
As early as second grade I remember feeling really different and isolated. I had the hugest crush on a boy, and my best friend had a crush on him, too. One day he said to me, 'I like your best friend more because she's paler and she has freckles.' And it was right then that I began to feel like, Oh wow, I'm different.
Lately, I'd been feeling like I was standing outside watching everything and everybody. Wishing I could take the part of me that was over there and the part of me that was over here and push them together—make myself into one whole person like everybody else.
And you don't ever have to worry about what I feel. The way I feel about you won't change. You can do whatever you like to me. You could turn this town to dust, burn the woods until they were cinders, you could cut out my heart. It wouldn't matter. It would not change a thing." "What if I ate a baby?" Jared's mouth curved up at the corners, slow and not cruel at all. "I'm sure you'd have a good reason," he said.
I was standing in the street with people walking past me and I could feel my face evaporating. I thought I was on fire as the acid ate at my skin.
Tell me if this is wrong. Justin Bieber... is 100 percent like watching Vanilla Ice all over again. It's exactly the same. Well, as soon as Bieber has a hit, he'll be like Vanilla Ice.
Tell me if this is wrong. Justin Bieber … is 100 percent like watching Vanilla Ice all over again. It's exactly the same. Well, as soon as Bieber has a hit, he'll be like Vanilla Ice.
When people call me either a girl crush or their best friend, like, the best friend they want, that's, to me, the best compliment anyone could ever give me.
I feel like I know I have enough friends who support me through those times. Like, I'll call a friend and be like, 'I really don't feel good about what I ate today,' and she'll be like, 'Dude, it's fine.'
That's when I hit the ground. So in the instant that that round landed and blew me in the air, I had those separate and distinct thoughts. The guy who was standing right next to where I had been standing had a hole in his back I could put my fist into.
If I knew what I was doing, I'd be doing it right now. I would be the best damn poet, silver words out of my mouth. My words might not be magic, but they cut straight to the truth. So if you need a lover and a friend, baby, I'm in.
<> It's nice of you to say I'm your best friend. <> You are my best friend, dummy. <> Really? You are my best friend. But I always assumed that somebody else was your best friend, and I was totally okay with that. You don't have to say that I'm your best friend just to make me feel good. <> You're so lame. <> That's why I figured somebody else was your best friend.
I want to tell Tobet about when i was standing in this exact same place last summer, wishing for him to be real. But it's hard to remember life before Tobey. He makes eveything seem possible. Like whatever you feel is true, really true in your heart, you can make happen. And you just know, when it happens, its for real. And there are a million possibilities. Like the possibility of going separate ways. Together.
You marry somebody you love, that you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with, that you're excited to wake up with every morning if you enjoy spending the day with. Right now... my wife is my best friend, by far my best friend.
I wake up in the morning and I feel like I’m missing something. I know that there’s something not right, and it takes me a while to remember what it is . . . then I remember. My best friend is gone. My only friend. It was silly of me to rely so much on one person.
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