A Quote by Barbara Brown Taylor
Prayer is happening, and it is not necessarily something that I am doing. God is happening, and I am lucky enough to know that I am in The Midst.
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I'm really fortunate that I am in continuous work and I love what I do. And I think that there's a reason that it keeps happening. So while that keeps happening, I will be thrilled - and feel lucky - to keep doing it.
I feel I am lucky. I am grateful for this life that God has given me. I am happy, as I am getting to do work that I want to do and enjoy doing it.
Where I have problems is when I am in the midst of doing something that I am completely focused on, and then I am asked to buy shoes or something.
As a woman, sometimes when I am in discussion with a director or producer, there is some kind of a different politics happening. Basically, 'I know more than you'. I am always on the lookout for that. I don't want to get sucked into that. I am very quick to respond to that.
I am so secure in who I am. I really am! And I'm not conceited. I just think, 'Wow, okay, that's the life you want to live.' It wasn't about who he chose. I mean, I had moments, 'Am I not sexy enough? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough?' But in so many of those questions, I immediately stopped and said, 'No, don't start doing that.' Because you can get stuck in that cycle and you can carry on to other things.
As an actor it's easy to be so self-critical, saying to yourself: "Am I good enough? Am I good looking enough? Am I smart enough?" Yet here I am, so I'm lucky.
I am a thinker, and I do muse over things a lot and am constantly assessing whether I am doing enough or what I should be doing more of to make sure I am not letting anyone down.
These false answers such as, I am stone, I am bird, I am animal, I am man, I am woman, I am great, I am small are, in turn, received, tested and discarded until the Question arrives at the right and Final Answer, I AM GOD.
Meditation is basically the process of witnessing: looking from your centre all that is happening. Many things are happening on the outside - the noise of the train far away; something is happening in you body - your knees are hurting - right? Your mind is churning many thoughts, that 'What am I doing here?' Your heart is feeling many emotions, you have waited for this moment for so long. There is joy in the heart, a certain ecstasy, a mood, a receptivity. All those things have to be watched very minutely.
I ask two questions when I am confronting life on a moment to moment basis when something important is happening. (1) What is factually happening right now? (2) What does my soul know about this and want me to know about this? It is amazing that when I give myself 20-25 seconds to seriously consider these questions, almost instantly I will arrive at a deeper awareness and a richer understanding of what is happening right now - from the soul's level of awareness.
Every day, I just thank the universe that I am as lucky as I am. Because, I went through periods of time when I didn't have a single bit of work. Months and months where I was auditioning all the time. I mean, all the time, and nothing was happening.
I am for God, I am the lover of God, I am loved by God, I am the servant of God, I am the servant of the servant of God, and I am the well-wishing instrument of God's love towards every living being, with all humility. The emergence of that realization is the greatest attainment in life.
I know I am extraordinarily lucky to be doing what I am doing. I have worked hard along the way and I have been blessed too. I have had a great life.
I sometimes feel a great ennui, profound emptiness, doubts which sneer in my face in the midst of the most spontaneous satisfactions. Well, I would not exchange all that for anything, because it seems to me, in my conscience, that I am doing my duty, that I am obeying a superior fatality, that I am following the Good and that I am in the Right.
It's empowering to know I am doing something, I am taking a stand, I am disrupting.
What I am feeling in myself, and what is happening to my physical body, to some extent, and what is happening to me mentally, is not a depression, is not a death. It is a transformation. It is a transcendence.
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