A Quote by Ben Schwartz
It's funny: I put money into short films, and I put really good actors in it, and I write some stuff that's really funny, and I'll get, like, a million views. But to the right of me, there will be a video of a kitten that falls into a toilet bowl, and it's three seconds long, and it will get 25 million views.
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Imagine if you have a million views on a show and they say it's a hit on some cable networks. I could put out a piece of content that has 20 million views.
Sometimes when a video goes viral, it gets a ton of views very quickly: they'll get a couple of million within a few hours. All of my baking videos, even the more higher viewed ones, are like a slow burn. Right away they usually get 200,000 to 400,000 views, and then as they sit there for a few months, then they really explode.
I've lost a million and a half on the horses and dice in the last two years. And the funny part is, I still like 'em, and if someone handed me another million I'd put it right in the nose
of some horse that looked good to me.
So many people have listened to my song because of it - I'm beyond grateful. It's funny because when I met Spencer and Dustin, they were so excited to meet me, but I was like you're the celebrities to me - they're the ones with a video has over 10 million views.
When I say things, when I speak on television, I'm not making stuff up. I'm not, like, sitting in the back with a notepad thinking, 'Maybe this will make them think I'm crazy'. That's how I really am, you know? My views on this and that, which I really don't want to delve into, but my views are that of the real me. There is no character.
One million, two million, three million seems like a lot of money. But if you spend $80,000 a month, it's really nothing.
Finally, the day came where I put stuff online for the first time ever. The Lil Dicky video got a million views the first day. It was one of the best days of my life. It was the day I learned I was who I thought I was. It was a fantastic I-told-you-so moment.
There is something about the vocal quality of the actors who can really do it. Jim Burrows, the great sitcom director who directed Will & Grace and Cheers, when an actor comes in to audition for him, he never looks at them. He just listens. Because funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny.
My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.
My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny. My uncle's really funny. Everyone's really funny. You have to be quick; otherwise, you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.
The videos that I post every day are averaging 7 million views per day. And I post one of those a day. I spend an average of $200 a day to make that. The Disney show that I'm on, they spend $2 million over the course of five days to create one episode that gets 1.7 million views.
Yes, the fans are going to get their money's worth. It's like...and everything on there is funny. It's not like random crap they put in a movie. I think it's all very funny, so.
When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.
If you get half a million, at a certain stage you probably will get 4 million people, if they are able to hear it. The touring thing is unbelievable. It really is amazing from what we did the last tour even to what we are doing now.
The first video I ever uploaded was of me singing, and it only got 100 views, so I took it down right away. So when 'M to the B' got a million likes in a day, I was in shock. I would never have imagined something like that.
You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's $25 million. This is what I love about our priorities. We spend $25 million trying to get rid of Saddam Hussein. The Republicans spend $50 million trying to get rid of Gray Davis. It doesn't seem quite right.
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