A Quote by Bill Engvall

You can't tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter! — © Bill Engvall
You can't tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye.
All of us are subjected to somebody else's power at some point. So once in a while you kiss ass. So what? Either you make your peace with that early, or you end up living your life as a crank and a misfit.
People think, 'Wow, you're an actress, so people must be really nice to you and kiss your ass.' NOBODY kisses my ass.
I figured I would have to tell someone to kiss my ass before it was all over, and I have -- twice.
Sometimes it seems like this is the choice - either kick ass or kiss ass.
I would like to take this opportunity [on Letterman] just to tell the press to KISS MY SKINNY WHITE ASS!
You can kiss my Kiss-loving ass because Kiss was never a critic's band. It was a people's band.
I'm going to write a book someday and the title will be I'm an Ass, You're an Ass. That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you're an ass. It's wonderful. When people tell me, You're wrong I say, What can you expect of an ass?
The next time somebody announces that he plans to get Medieval on your ass, tell him you're going to get Renaissance on his gonads.
When somebody is determined to whup your ass, without regard to any concern for what is fair, you must recognize that the only alternative is to whup his ass by whatever means or methods are available.
You know, before when (the police went) to work, they used to be like, 'I'm gonna kick somebody's ass today and so I hope I can catch somebody in a bad situation or breaking the law, because I'm gonna beat someone's ass in a big way, I think that attitude has changed.
It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long...
If you've witnessed bullying or if you're being bullied, tell somebody you trust. Tell mom and dad. Tell your counselors or your coaches. Tell your teachers. Tell an adult who you trust.
Every November, during the certain holiday people love so much, people take a dead turkey, open up the dead turkey’s ass, or carve out a really big hole in their ass, take some stuffing and shove it inside their dead empty ass, and use the little dead ass as an oven to bake some bread. Somebody else’s dead empty bacteria-laden ass to make bread? Ass bread?! And people think vegans are weird? Because we eat tofu? And rice, and beans, and lentils?
So, when kiss Spring comes we'll kiss each kiss other on kiss the kiss lips because tic clocks tock don't make a toctic difference to kisskiss you and to kiss me.
I can't wait to ride my electric scooter, walk my dog, watch TV, be bored … and I'm gonna put [my Oscar] in my hand and kiss it every night before I go to sleep.
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