A Quote by Chelsea Handler

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so. — © Chelsea Handler
I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.
When I'm a little kid watching Chicago Bears games, hot salsa would be on the table and the first time I was like, 'Ah, this is hot Dad, get mild salsa,' and he was like: 'Not in my house. We have real salsa. And if you can't handle real salsa then you can just eat dry chips.'
I'm gonna open a small restaurant on the beach in Mexico. We're only gonna have a few tables, and we're only gonna cook what's fresh that day. We're gonna get back to the basics.
That guy behind me on the airplane? He's been kicking my seat because he hates me. He's kicking my seat because he hates me and I'm gonna kill him. When we get off this plane, I'm gonna make eye contact. I'm gonna kill that guy. And all of that is just stuff in my head, but it's good to get rid of that stuff.
One night a guy hit his head on a welding gun. He went to his knees. He was bleeding like a pig, blood was oozing out. So I stopped the line for a second and ran over to help him. The foreman turned the line on again, he almost stepped on the guy. That's the first thing they always do. They didn't even call an ambulance. The guy walked to the medic department -- that's about half a mile -- he had about five stitches put in his head. The foreman didn't say anything. He just turned the line on. You're nothing to any of them.
That Scarface movie is just ruthless! His state of mind was like, "Yo, we're gonna get it - we're gonna get this money, we're gonna get this, get that."
I think that in Mexico, we must change some practices that were built during the 72 years of predominance in Mexico. Former presidents would just hide away, run away or disappear. And I think it's key in a democracy that presidents face people, see eye to eye to citizens and work to keep on contributing to the - to Mexico.
Obama's not ultimately gonna get away with totally destroying America. His damage already done is brutal and he's gonna do more and we're gonna have an incredible amount of hard work ahead of us.
I love chips and salsa. Guacamole.
Mexico admits you through an arched stone orifice into the tree-filled courtyard of its heart, where a dog pisses against a wall and a waiter hustles through a curtain of jasmine to bring a bowl of tortilla soup, steaming with cilantro and lime. Cats stalk lizards among the clay pots around the fountain, doves settle into the flowering vines and coo their prayers, thankful for the existence of lizards. The potted plants silently exhale, outgrowing their clay pots. Like Mexico's children they stand pinched and patient in last year's too-small shoes.
If the bees which seek the liquid oozing from the head of a lust-intoxicated elephant are driven away by the flapping of his ears, then the elephant has lost only the ornament of his head. The bees are quite happy in the lotus filled lake.
I'm gonna open a small restaurant on the beach in Mexico. We're only gonna have a few tables, and we're only gonna cook what's fresh that day. We're gonna get back to the basics... Real food for real people.
All I really want to do is things I haven't done. 'I'm gonna put a paper bag on my head and be on the cover of 'Billboard,' see what I can get away with - if they'll let me.' And they let me. And I am literally giggling inside for, like, a month that I got away with it.
I am technically not a midget. I'm a dwarf, or a little person, but I consider myself a midget. I just don't care enough to, I'm not going to waste anger on the word midget.
If I've gone to get a takeaway, and I get chips... I like to match up the chips in length. That is actually quite weird. Obviously, if I've got chips, I pick them out in twos. That's a weird thing as well. You know, if they're not the same length, well, I go hunting for the same length in chips.
I don't aspire to write like Steve King. Sure, I admire his work, and I think he's a hell of a nice guy; we met shortly after my first Stoker win. I aspire to write like Jonathan Maberry.
I'm thinking in my head I'd like to have five minutes alone with this guy to get some payback. But you got to keep a level head. You just got to get to the house, search, find anything you can to put these guys away and bring some justice and get some revenge for our brothers who were lost.
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