A Quote by Chi Chi DeVayne
People loved me because I'm a great person to be friends with, but when it comes down to drag, I didn't want them to think badly of me.
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There are so many Al Anon fans and friends who have shown me wonderful love, prayers, thoughts! I thank everyone for this. It feels great to have wonderful people behind you, pushing and praying for you. Mostly, I don't want to let myself down, but they encourage me not to let them down.
At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (much better than saying, "You'll get over it," or "It's not so bad; others have it worse") and I loved them for it.
I've loved the RuPaul model of drag, where you're an amazing drag queen, you're a smart and savvy business person, and you use those together to keep drag at the forefront of what people are talking about.
We have a tendency to always test people's love. 'I want to see how badly I have to behave before you'll leave me. Because I don't really think you want me anyhow.'
I want to apologize to all of the people I have let down because of my behavior, which has reflected badly on my family, friends, co-workers, business associates and others.
I want to apologize to all of the people I have let down because of my behavior which has reflected badly on my family, friends, co-workers, business associates and others.
I loved my soap days. I really loved them. A Martinez and Marcy Walker taught me how to act, basically. All those people pulled together and helped get me started. Like, showed me how to hit my mark, made me do this, made me do that. That was my first long-running professional gig. And it was like, they were just - great, great with me.
It does bother me when they [tabloids] drag friends of mine into it and talk about them and lie about them. My friends have no part in it; they're not celebrities, so why should they have to accept the downside of celebrity? That worries me for a bit.
The ones I loved fly as birds in the open sky above me. Soaring, weaving, calling to me to join them. I want so badly to follow them, but the seawater saturates my wings, making it impossible to lift them. The ones I hated have taken to the water, horrible scaled things that tear my salty flesh with needle teeth. Biting again and again. Dragging me beneath the surface.
I was going to have to leave you anyway. Because I loved you too much to drag you down with me." My hand crept up to caress the rigid line of his jaw. "Why'd you change your mind?" I whispered. "After I calmed down a little and had a chance to think, I figured . . . I love you enough to try and deserve you. I would do anything, be anything, for you.
I don't want to work with anyone who has not sat down with me and has gotten to know me. I don't want you writing for who you think Jennifer is or the public persona of because that's not who I am. It's my shell, it's the brand, it's the celebrity, but it's not the person.
People don't realize how badly verbal harassment and cyber bullying affects you. I wish they had hit me in the face and gotten it over with, because what they said to me, sticks to me to this day. It affected me into the person that I am today.
I don't think most people know how to meditate - they fall asleep and they call it meditation. I prefer a kind of sweet, deep, rich prayer in which a person goes in and says, Take me down deep into the reason you gave me life. Take me down deep. It silences the chaos in me. Take me away from my sense. I need to go away now, because I'm in chaos - take me down deep. Hover over me, because I need grace. I say that a lot, many times a day. So that's my practice.
Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.
So many people supported me and believed in me. They made it so easy for me to believe in myself, because I didn't want to let them down.
My gratitude is great to my family and friends for accepting me as the person who they now know me to be and for letting me show them the possibilities of a life well lived.
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