A Quote by Daniel Tosh

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed. — © Daniel Tosh
I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.
Most people's Gods are self-reflective. God just has to be like you. You get concerned, so you assume God must get concerned. You get pissed off, so you assume God must get pissed off. You're attached to things that you create, so you assume that God would be.
Jesus ain't American, you know what I mean? And there is gonna be more people in Heaven who don't speak English and are not white when we get there.
Thoughts of heaven quicken our faith. Our only sure and solid foundation is the hope of heaven. The only solution to earth's mysteries, the only righter of earth's wrongs, and the only cure for worldliness, is heaven. We need an infusion of heaven into our faith and hope that will create a homesickness for that blessed place. God's home is heaven. Eternal life and all good were born there and flourish there. All life, happiness, beauty, and glory are native to the home of God. All this belongs to and awaits the heirs of God in heaven. What a glorious inheritance!
When you're a parent, you're just like, God, I hope they like me when they grow up. I hope that I did a good job. I hope they're gonna be happy.
Do we behave out of fear of punishment, or out of the demands of our heart? For me, it is the latter, as I would hope is true for all adults, thought I know from bitter experience that such is not often the case. To act in a manner designed to catapult you into heaven would seem transparent to a god, any god,for if ones heart is not in allignment with the creator of that heaven, then... what is the point?
Tell ya what I'm gonna do, see. I'm not going to hope. Now, you don't either. Don't hope your life will get better. Just make it so. Don't hope you are able to handle this baby. Just do it. Just be glad, just move fast, just do what you need to do. But for god's sake, don't hope. Just be...Just be.
As a Christian I have hope not just for this life but for Heaven and the life to come. And many of those people who died this past week are in Heaven right now. And they wouldn't want to come back; it's so glorious and so wonderful. And that's the hope for all of us who put our faith in God. I pray that you will have this hope in your heart.
I hope when I'm 80 that I get to Heaven and God doesn't recognise me.
One of the first things that my English teacher told when I began studying in New York was, "You're here because if you pick it up from the street, not everyone speaks good English." And it happens all the time, anywhere. If you pick up Spanish from the streets, you're not going to be able to speak it correctly.
You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow." "Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not.
When you get in a point when you generate finances in a circle of people they gonna treat you different. They gonna treat you like as if you're gonna bring the money. You're the cash cow.
Pre-'Tokyo Drift,' I was like: 'Am I gonna play Yakuza #1 and Chinese Waiter #2 for the rest of my life? Is America even ready for an Asian face that speaks English, that doesn't do Kung Fu?'
If English is spoken in heaven. God undoubtedly employs Cranmer as his speechwriter. The angels of the lesser ministries probably use the language of the New English Bible and the Alternative Service Book for internal memos.
If you're a real hip-hop fan and a real street music fan, and you just love good music, you're gonna play it from top to bottom, and you're gonna get the concept, you're gonna get the story of my life, you're gonna be entertained, you're gonna dance you're gonna feel emotion, you're gonna get the truth, whether you like it or hate it.
If your hope disappoints you, it is the wrong kind of hope. You see, hope in God never disappoints, precisely because it is hope *in God.* This means that hope placed in any other thing will always end up disappointing.
My mind speaks English, my heart speaks Russian, and my ear prefers French.
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