A Quote by Daniel Tosh

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun. — © Daniel Tosh
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
I really don't want somebody writing something positive about me if they don't believe in it. I'd rather somebody write something real mean. I like reading bad stuff, it gets me excited. In fact, the only reviews I keep are the bad ones 'cause I think they're the cool ones.
I think I was born 'in to deep,' and bad things happen every day. Sometimes I have to stab hellions. Sometimes I have to frame friends for murder, and stab evil math teachers, and watch my best friend die. Again. We deal with it, then we move on.
Nobody can give us what we really already are. Wouldn't it be terrible if somebody could give you what you really are? ...'cause if they could give it to you, they could take it away.
We're human beings and the sun is the sun - how can it be bad for you? I don't think anything that's natural can be bad for you.
I think we need strength. I think we also need somebody that can be a cheerleader. He's been a great divider in this country. I think race relations now are as bad as they've ever been. I guess they have, statistically, the worst they've been in 18 years. I don't know what 18 years means, how do they determine that, but I can tell you they're bad and they haven't been this bad in a long time. And we have somebody that really was in a position to do just the opposite, but this tremendous divide in this country. I see it, everybody sees it.
The ultimate [act] that would be the taboo, to show how bad some villain is, was to have somebody being raped, you know? I don't really think it matters. It's the same as, like, a decapitation. It's just a horrible act to show that somebody's a bad guy.
I really think that to a lot of people hair is everything. Bad hair takes over everything, it really does. I think if somebody has bad hair it doesn't matter what else is happening.
I was real skinny in high school. I was real fast and explosive. I just didn't really have a good nutrition plan; I didn't understand how important it was to be healthy. I was eating hot fries, potato chips in the morning, Capri Sun. That was like my breakfast. That changed when I got to college - I put on 20 pounds of muscle.
My greatest peace is at the ocean, which was part of my decision to move out of Manhattan. A real treat is a trip to the beach. One of my favorites is Capri, and I love Mexico, but no matter where it is, it's really difficult to be in a bad mood when you're sitting on the sand, listening to the ocean.
We could learn to stop when the sun goes down and when the sun comes up. We could learn to listen to the wind; we could learn to notice that it's raining or snowing or hailing or calm. We could reconnect with the weather that is ourselves, and we could realize that it's sad. The sadder it is, and the vaster it is, the more our heart opens. We can stop thinking that good practice is when it's smooth and calm, and bad practice is when it's rough and dark. If we can hold it all in our hearts, then we can make a proper cup of tea.
For a long time I wasn't listening to music, to the rock and roll stuff on the radio, because it would cause me to get sweaty. It would bring back memories I didn't want to know about, or I would get that feeling that I'm not alive 'cause I'm not making it. And if it was good, I hated it 'cause I wasn't doing it. And if it was bad, I was furious 'cause I could've done it better.
I do think about The Flash often. I think that could be a really fun role to play at some point. That's right up my alley. I just want somebody to believe in me that I could be a Superhero.
I'm just afraid somebody's going to stab me one day and think that my power is real and they expect me to start healing.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
I don’t really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric... I’m not operating on somebody’s brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it’s all funny.
I don't really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric... I'm not operating on somebody's brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it's all funny.
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