A Quote by Daniel Tosh

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe. — © Daniel Tosh
Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

Quote Topics

When I think about our babies today and them not being safe in school, I think that should be the next civil rights movement, you know, is to ban the assault weapons so that our babies can be safe.
I always mention stacking the dishwasher - any opportunity. But it's the consequences - it's the food poisoning and the potential death that will come with not loading the dishwasher properly.
If you have had the same dishwasher for 10 years or more, don't bother repairing it. The average dishwasher is expected to last nine years, and you've most likely squeezed as much life out of it as you can.
Everyone wants to be safe. Well, I got news for you: You can't be safe. Life's not safe. Your work isn't safe. When you leave the house, it isn't safe. The air you breathe isn't going to be safe, not for very long. That's why you have to enjoy the moment.
YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.
I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.
if the world is not safe for babies you are never going to get a democracy worth having.
We want every human being in the womb to be safe, not have these babies be killed to solve some dilemma.
Safe sex, safe music, safe clothing, safe hair spray, safe ozone layer. Too late! Everything that's been achieved in the history of mankind has been achieved by not being safe.
Media mystifications should not obfuscate a simple, perceivable fact; Black teenage girls do not create poverty by having babies. Quite the contrary, they have babies at such a young age precisely because they are poor--because they do not have the opportunity to acquire an education, because meaningful, well-paying jobs and creative forms of recreation are not accessible to them ... because safe, effective forms of contraception are not available to them.
Babies, babies, babies! They're everywhere, aren't they? In our eyes, in our thoughts, in our arms, in our dreams. Sometimes, in our dreams, they are riding alpacas or juggling tacos - but that doesn't mean those dreams are necessarily about babies. Look, I'm not Freud.
If you look around Brazil you see pregnant women everywhere. Here you don't see that as much. There the only thing they do is babies, babies, babies! Especially the poor families.
Babies, babies, babies. Why did God make so many babies? But no, God didn't make them. Stupid people made them.
You see how Hillary Clinton tried to jump on Jeb Bush for talking about "anchor babies"? Hillary tweeted, "They aren't called 'anchor babies.' They're called 'babies,'" which is a bit ironic given that Hillary's a big supporter of Planned Parenthood where "babies" are called "tissue mass" and, what, "unviable cells"? Whatever it is.
Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - "God damn it, you've got to be kind."
The fact is safe co-sleeping is not difficult. The notion of babies being smothered is simply not true. And the benefits of sleeping together are profound.
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