A Quote by Dave Attell
I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
Related Quotes
Sometimes I pretend not to look at my own characters, because that's like different people getting off with your girlfriend or something.
I get cast gay a fair amount throughout my life. It's not the first time. Matt [Letscher] was kind of like, 'Jeff, um, I'm gonna pretend this is real easy and not a problem, but I've never done this at all.' And so you know, we were awkward for a while. And then he said, 'Let's go for it. Come on. I'm gonna pretend you're my girlfriend, my wife. Here we go.' And we had a lot of fun.
All I can do is stand still- I feel like if I just stand still, I can stop it from being true, I can pretend that everything is all right.
He’s sort of a homeless horse,” I said. “I’m leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won’t be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don’t want that horse in my apartment.” “Who would put a horse in an apartment? That’s dumb.” “Where’s the horse staying now?” “My apartment.” “I can always count on you to brighten my day,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.
Babe,' Ranger said. 'Do something with her.' And he disconnected. I called Ranger back. 'No,' I said. 'And I need information on Jelly Kantner. His apartment got blown up, and I need to find him.' And I should do this why?' Because you like me.' There was a full beat of silence. 'I do,' Ranger said. 'I like you a lot. Sometimes I'm not sure why. Give me a couple minutes.
Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.
I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.
Sometimes I stand in store windows and pretend to be a mannequin. People are like 'hey, that mannequin looks alot like thom yorke' Then I start to sing The Gloaming and lurch toward them and they run off horrified.
Sometimes I just got off of an international flight and people are like running up, screaming and hollering, and want to take pictures. They don't really understand like, 'Dude, I'm tired. Just say hello. Keep it moving.'
When I present 'Million Pound Drop', I'm screaming the right answer in my head just like you're screaming at the television screen.
Really? Screaming?” He shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. But there were definitely some freak-outs on both sides. Though, to be honest, the silence was worse.” “Worse than screaming?” I said. “Much,” he said, nodding. “I mean, at least with an argument, you know what’s happening. Or have some idea. Silence is… it could be anything. It’s just –” “So freaking loud,” I finished for him. He pointed at me. “Exactly.
...In Paris she found Magnus, who was living in a garret apartment and paiting, an occupation for which he had no aptitude whatsoever. He let her sleep on a mattress by the window, and in the night, when she woke up screaming for Will, he came and put his arms around her, smelling of turpentine. "The first one is always the hardest," he said. "The first?" "The first one you love who dies," he said. "It gets easier, after.
I am always interested in making myself as uncomfortable as I can. Sometimes I ask myself, 'Can I stand onstage and sing this song and sell it?' Sometimes I can't. In a room, you get to pretend a little bit and step outside of yourself.
There's nothing I like better than going to my apartment, closing the door, cooking my little dinner for one and just tuning out. My apartment really is my haven. It's a nest where I go to heal.
I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do.
When 'Mortal Kombat' came out, I was living in an apartment in the Venice Canals in L.A. I didn't get paid a huge amount of money, so I had a nice apartment, but I couldn't afford to have it furnished. It was kind of like Robert De Niro's apartment in 'Heat': It looked like I was ready to walk away from it in ten seconds, because there was nothing.
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