A Quote by Dave Barry
I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
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Television and movies just take so long. If you pitch a show or develop a project, it can be a year before your show even gets on the air, if it gets picked up. Just the concept of "I had this idea" and within a week it was in the world, that was a part of why it felt weirdly empowering as a performer.
We're humans. We live on land. Sharks live in water. So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
I watch a TV show called 'Shark Tank.' It's one of my favorite TV shows. It's basically self-made millionaires who have either come up with their own business or clothing... I came up with the idea of designing clothes.
We're dependent on buying overseas productions and television shows. A lot of the time they come in packages, I think. You take the hit show and you take a couple of other unloved children that they want to get rid of along with the hit show.
Television and movies just take so long. If you pitch a show or develop a project, it can be a year before your show even gets on the air, if it gets picked up.
I'm obsessed with crocodiles and getting eaten by one. When I hear that someone's been eaten by a crocodile or shark, I just get all gooey. I start salivating.
I had a song called "Folsom Prison Blues" that was a hit just before "I Walk The Line." And the people in Texas heard about it at the state prison and got to writing me letters asking me to come down there. So I responded and then the warden called me and asked if I would come down and do a show for the prisoners in Texas.
I think the 'Jaws' shark and the 'Shark Night' shark would fall in love and make sweet babies.
I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.
One of the most fun characters I played on a television series, which didn't last long... was a show called 'American Gothic' that Shaun Cassidy created. I would have loved to have done that show forever. That character was so funny yet demonic. It was really good writing and a really good idea. I loved all the people on the show.
I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?
I'm the one who gets called up about a problem. I'm the one who gets called up about the street lighting and the abandoned car. I'm the one who gets blamed if the police don't arrive. I'm the one they blame if a city truck is broken down.
With the rise of the reality show, everyone thinks they can be a celebrity, or that it would be a positive to be a celebrity, or that everyone who's in the news is a celebrity, and I think that there are a lot of people who don't choose to be on the front page, and yet they're still there.
My show in Egypt was called, 'The Show,' or, 'Al Bernameg' in Arabic. Basically, it was a political satire show. It started on Internet by three, four-minute episodes, and then it evolved into a live show in a theater, which was something that was unprecedented in the Arab world.
I've really dreamed of doing television. All of us do television, coming up. But when I was coming up, television was a black hole for actors. Now, television has a certain cache. Now everybody wants to be on TV because they're doing adult dramas. If you're an actor, it's like, "Well, get me on television," because it's the only place you can do it and also make a living at it. If my kids need shoes, I better do a TV show because I damn sure don't make any money with independent films.
My first professional audition as an actor was when I was about 12 years old, and it was for a children's television show called 'M.I. High,' which I ended up doing for two years.
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