A Quote by David Sedaris

It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
I'm always happy to talk to somebody; it's flattering that people remember your movies. Especially some movie that you did, for Christ's sake, almost 35 years ago, or what's especially pleasant is if you're talking about some movie that you did 35 years ago and they're 20 years old.
The writers' strike a couple years ago was a bonanza for reality TV shows new and old.
Sometimes I think I was more in control of my life years and years ago, and yet one should make progress; one should learn more every year and become…well, if not happier, then calmer and more able to handle your problems. But I’m not. Sometimes I just seem to make more problems for myself. I do. It makes me feel I haven’t grown up as much as I should have by now.
I met my old lover on the street last night. She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled. Then we talked about some old times and we drank ourselves some beers, still crazy after all these years.
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago.' No it very wasn't. It was 140 years ago...that's two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That's how recently you could buy a guy.
I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in the news business, by the way. He was a radio news guy. So the news was always in my house, and funny was always in my house. It was sort of just baked into the DNA that I would do this for a living, but I can remember being less than 10 years old and dreaming about being a comedian.
I remember, a couple of years ago I was playing my first headline show, and it was to 100 people in St Pancras Old Church in London; and me and my mum were like, 'We don't know 100 people, how are we going to sell these tickets?'
One of the great things about the old days of television, 10 years ago, or 15 years ago, was that it was water cooler television. People would communally watch the same hour. People used to tell us all the time, we turn off the phones, we put the kids to bed and that one hour is uninterrupted. Then, the next day at the water cooler, they all talk about it.
Sometimes you have to go and do something different. I'll just disappear and write a couple of books, and then go back and do some TV when I've been forgotten about, and people think it's fresh. I see people who suddenly put themselves around everywhere and I think, 'You're going to last for about two years and vanish.'
Somebody talked me into writing an autobiography about six or seven years ago. And I said I'd try. We talked into a tape recorder, and after a couple of months, I said, To hell with it. I was so depressed. It was like saying, 'This is the end.' I was more interested in what the hell was coming the next day or the next week.
I did a series in Britain years ago called 'Skins,' and I remember my little sister telling me that I had a Wikipedia page that was talking about me. But then it got deleted because on Wikipedia anyone can write stuff, right? So I think that it got sabotaged. But this is years ago, so it got taken down. I don't think it exists anymore.
I was helped by having a verbatim memory of what happened years ago, even if I can't remember what happened a couple of days ago.
I'd see an old person on the street and start crying. I couldn't understand how people could cope, knowing they only had so long left. It would be like dominoes and then the last one fell and I'm a little heap on the floor. Doctors put me on anti-depressants for a couple of years.
If we got there and we looked up and we said, "You know what? Black folks are still doing a little bit worse off than whites, but it's not like it was 20 years ago," then we can have a discussion about how do we get that last little bit. But that's a high-class problem to have.
I've never gone out with a guy who is older than me by more than a couple years. Usually it's my age, a little bit older, or even a little bit younger. But not a 15- or 20-year difference.
I see children now, and many things surprise me: they ask me about my boots and why I don't dye my hair. I wonder, 'Why don't you talk to me about how to cross the ball, control it, the position of the body when I strike the ball?'
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