A Quote by Demetri Martin

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

Demetri Martin

Quote Topics

Coconut Coconuts Dirty Friend Hand Hands Like My Friend Nice Smells Soap Unless Your

Quote Author

Demetri Martin
American - Comedian
Born: May 25, 1973

(in response to the question: what do you think of e-books and Amazon’s Kindle?) Those aren’t books. You can’t hold a computer in your hand like you can a book. A computer does not smell. There are two perfumes to a book. If a book is new, it smells great. If a book is old, it smells even better. It smells like ancient Egypt. A book has got to smell. You have to hold it in your hands and pray to it. You put it in your pocket and you walk with it. And it stays with you forever. But the computer doesn’t do that for you. I’m sorry.

Ray Bradbury

Many people excuse themselves by claiming that they don't have to do work anymore because they are beyond it. They are simply afraid of getting their hands dirty. Getting your hands dirty washes your being.

Frederick Lenz

I will do crazy skincare things in the kitchen... I love coconut oil, so if I come home at night feeling all dry and like a fossil, I'll put my hand in a jar of coconut oil and just mush it over my face.

Suki Waterhouse

James Cain - faugh! Everything he touches smells like a billygoat. He is every kind of writer I detest, a faux naix, a Proust in greasy overalls, a dirty little boy with a piece of chalk and a board fence and nobody looking. Such people are the offal of literature, not because they write about dirty things, but because they do it in a dirty way.

Raymond Chandler

If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.

Dick Gregory

There's lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it - aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That's not lotion. That's one ingredient short of a Bundt cake.

Ellen DeGeneres

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.

James P. Hogan

Did you know that Puritanism went hand in hand with dirt, that Oliver Cromwell put a 100 per cent tax on soap and that the repeal of the soap tax was one of the most popular acts of Charles II at his Restoration?

Robertson Davies

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Red Skelton

All I knew about Ireland before I went there was what I learned from watching soap commercials all my life. I was totally misinformed. I thought it was an Irish tradition where you don't even take a shower with your soap - you take your soap for a walk, you compliment the soap for a little while and then, suddenly, you just start hacking it up with a hunting knife.

Arj Barker

Women have it good when it comes to masturbation. Guys, we just have our hands. For the rest of our lives, that's it. Sometimes your friend will go, 'Ever try your left hand? It's like a whole different person.' Yeah, a retarded person.

Jay Mohr

<> It's nice of you to say I'm your best friend. <> You are my best friend, dummy. <> Really? You are my best friend. But I always assumed that somebody else was your best friend, and I was totally okay with that. You don't have to say that I'm your best friend just to make me feel good. <> You're so lame. <> That's why I figured somebody else was your best friend.

Rainbow Rowell

People think of me as a stereotype: muse, privileged, decorative. Classically, the muses were the inspiration. They'd come and go - they wouldn't actually make things, get their hands dirty. I don't think I'm a muse, although I think I can help pull a trigger. I really like getting my hands dirty.

Amanda Harlech

If Christianity is valid, why is there so much evil in the world?" To this the famous preacher replied, "With so much soap, why are there so many dirty people in the world? Christianity, like soap, must be personally applied if it is to make a difference in our lives.