A Quote by DJ Ashba
I grew up in a really bad situation; my father left when I was young - you know, an abusive situation. So the minute I put my fingers on a guitar and closed my eyes and just played, it literally was like a drug. It took me into a totally different world, and I just pulled from emotions and experiences that I was going through.
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I thought Portland had a really good chance. But after we didn't win it, I knew my time was up there. But it wasn't a totally bad situation for me there. It was a great situation coming out of high school.
People have really different methods of working. Some people prepare tons and tons of material, literally on paper, and they will use as much of it as they can. Some people prepare various lines in their heads and various avenues to go. And some people show up literally going, "I know who I am and I know what the situation is, but I'm just going to see what comes out."
For me, I guess music has always been the through-line. You know, I played guitar from a really young age, and my dad played, and my cousin gave me a drum kit when I was 13, and I played bass guitar, so, you know, it was definitely always in the house.
When I was in grade school and we had to write papers about what we wanted to be when we grew up, I wanted to be a social worker or a missionary or a teacher... Then I got involved with tennis, and everything was just me, me, me. I was totally selfish and thought about myself and nobody else, because if you let up for one minute, someone was going to come along and beat you. I really wouldn't let anyone or any slice of happiness enter... I didn't like the characteristics that it took to become a champion.
I picked up the guitar at 12 yrs old - basically, my mother and father bought it for me for Christmas. I played one at my friend's house; when I say played it, I just played around with it at my friend's house. It just struck me as something I really wanted.
Those situations were just taking over my entire life. It was fun to write in a way, because it helped me take a really bad situation and a really sad situation and make beautiful songs out of them. When I got half of the song written it was like, "Oh, this is great." It was like the one thing that was making me happy again.
When I was on the 'Knock Madness' tour, I was just thinking about life; I started questioning God. I was praying a lot. I was just really emotional. I was going through a break up situation as well. And I just felt like I needed to be home. I was over the rap thing. I just felt like I wasn't getting the respect and credit that I deserve.
Today, a young person that doesn't know themselves will totally be sold some other situation. Let's do your avatar. You know? And young people are going out, spending what little they have to try to buy themselves when they don't have themselves, or they feel like they don't have themselves. To me, that's like a damn pimp tragedy.
I grew up in Christianity. They preach a lot that you should get married and be a wife and be a virtuous woman and all of that. So I was so eager to do that, and I didn't really take the time I needed to grow into my own. And I ended up running into a really bad situation. I didn't even really date my ex-husband. We just kind of jumped into it.
In your life, you go through a difficult situation or a very good situation, and you have different moods, but you learn things from your experiences.
You go through at least the first two years of Star Trek and you find some amazing stuff. Everything that was going on Gene put into the series. He just put strange costumes on the actors and painted them funny colours and left the same situation in.
It is really hard when your life is scrutinized by people who don't know you and who don't really know what the situation is. So I avoid the good and the bad and just try to live in a world where I can insulate myself from whatever is out there.
I think a lot of the writing, you know, I write is just kind of like that where, you know. I write exactly how I'm feeling sometimes, and hardships that I'm going through. But I always end up, like the choruses are like, "God, You are good. God, you're faithful. You know, I know You understand, You're right here by my side." All these different things. And I just say very personal experiences that I've been through. I mean, it's not always detrimental thing.
When I feel really insecure, or I'm in a social situation where I'm nervous about how I come off, or I'm trying to control the situation too much, I literally just try and use the same muscles that I had to use on stage - just paying attention to the other person and trusting yourself to respond as emotionally honestly as possible.
That's always been like a fascination to me - watching my family, three sisters and a brother and all growing up basically in the same situation and each one being so totally different and going on to completely different areas and directions. But for me to go into psychoanalysis really steadily, would be putting too much energy into trying to figure out why I am the way I am... Basically this is how I am and it's alright and I don't want to know why I'm this way.
Different people have different things that trigger them to realize their situation was not OK. In events like the #MeToo Movement, there are many cases where it took decades for someone to talk about their situation. That doesn't mean their stories aren't valid.
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