A Quote by Doug Stanhope

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious! — © Doug Stanhope
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Somewhere in our DNA must lie the key mutation (or, more probably, mutations) that set us apart—the mutations that make us the sort of creature that could wipe out its nearest relative, then dig up its bones and reassemble its genome.
Did you see all that? Did you see that little baby girl? I carried her body and buried it as best I could but I had no time. It really gets to me to see children being killed like this, but we had no choice.
Boom, boom, boom, Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon, It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through, ooh, ooh. Cause, baby, you're a firework Come on, show 'em what you're worth Make 'em go, "Oh! Oh! Oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y. Baby, you're a firework Come on, let your colors burst Make 'em go, "Oh! Oh! Oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own.
"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it.
The thing that stood out above and beyond all the experiences was this relationship with the nine-month-old baby. On weekends, I'd be thinking about going back to set on Monday just to see the baby.
If you go with what Hillary [Clinton] is saying, in the ninth month, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby.
I'm telling you, the theory that John F. Kennedy's assassination is what flipped the left in this country upside down and sent 'em into this out-of-control place they are now, I believe it. I think it did. They can't get their arms around the fact that a communist killed their guy. They just can't come to grips with it, and that's why they have to revise history and make it like Dallas did it - this festering boil of rabid extremism, anti-government, right-wing hatred!
If you go with what Hillary [Clinton] is saying, in the ninth month, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby. Now, you can say that that's OK and Hillary can say that that's OK. But it's not OK with me, because based on what she's saying, and based on where she's going, and where she's been, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month on the final day. And that's not acceptable.
Perseverance. I got cut twice. I got cut in Charlotte. I didn't have to go to Atlanta to audition. I could have said, "I'm not cut out for this." But I said, "I think I'm better than that, I can go try again." So I went to Atlanta and I made it through. Then I got cut the first time around. I could have told them I didn't want to come back for the Wild Card show but I did and look how far I got.
If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!" But you'll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, "What's happenin'?"
The last start of spring training, my (cut fastball) was okay. It just wasn't what I wanted it to be. I tried to work on making it cut more and do more. I think that set (the forearm) off ... trying to make it move a lot, cut a lot. I'm just going to back off and trust it a little bit more and not try and push that.
I tried to be a goth for a while. I'd pour baby powder on my face and paint my lips black, but that didn't last long. I thought I looked cool at the time. But then you look back and wonder, 'Why did anyone let me out of the house looking like that?'
The doctor said, 'He can't last a week.' And I did. And they said, 'There's no way this kid's going to last a month.' And I did. And so they said, 'Two years. He's not going to make it.' Two years. 'Five years. He can't do that.' I lived to be five years. 'He's never going to hit double digits.' And here I am, a new teenager.
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
When she was in United States, we maintained contact, we talked to each other on the phone, almost every night. And there was one occasion I tried to fix this video conferencing but somehow it did not come out very well enough so better to talk on the phone.
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