A Quote by Doug Stanhope

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

Doug Stanhope

Quote Topics

Act Because Favor Going Just Me Need Press Say Yourself

Quote Author

Doug Stanhope
American - Comedian
Born: March 25, 1967

A guy's calling to say he's failing algebra II. Just as a point of practice, I say, Kill yourself. A woman calls and says her kids won't behave. Without missing a beat, I tell her, Kill yourself. A man calls to say his car won't start. Kill yourself. A woman calls to ask what time the late movie starts. Kill yourself. She asks, "Isn't this 555-1327? Is this the Moorehouse CinePlex? I say, Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

Chuck Palahniuk

I'm not going to allow anybody to hold a badge up over me or a cross or any other power symbol and say I'm going to kill you and you're just going to kneel down to me because I'm the law.

Ice T

Now I want you to listen to me," he said in a low voice, taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him. "And listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once. You are going to marry me before this week is out. Since you have conveniently run off to Scotland, we don't need a special license. You're just lucky I don't haul you off to a church right this instant. Get yourself a dress and get yourself some flowers, because, sweeetheart, you're getting yourself a new name.

Julia Quinn

Do not say to yourself, 'I am going to act this way tomorrow.' Just say to yourself - 'I am going to imagine myself acting this way NOW - for 30 minutes - today.'

Maxwell Maltz

I've had a lot of people online say they're going to kill me at my shows. A lot of people say they're going to punch me in the face - never happened. It's just people being sad because their life sucks.

Vince Staples

And to me, that is the greatest danger, that people start questioning basic facts and start not understanding the importance of democratic institutions such as the free press. I mean, to call the press the enemy is dangerous and just remarkably bizarre. The press is the only profession protected in the Constitution because of how important the framers viewed the press. But in authoritarian regimes, they control the press. And to me, going down an authoritarian path is the greatest danger that we face as a republic.

Ted Lieu

It's crazy. I don't know how I'm not dead. People think I'm going to get punched in the face: "Something terrible is going to happen to you. You're going to get killed." That's not what's going to kill me. The show is going to kill me. The work is going to kill me. Once I'm on the street, I'm not worried about that.

Billy Eichner

I have to say, if someone literally said to me, 'You're going off to a desert island, what is the one thing you would bring?' I would say, 'It's my concealer or you can just kill me now.' I've thought this through! Because I would find, like, berries in a bowl and make blush.

Drew Barrymore

And you get into that sort of cannibalistic feeling - all you want to do is go out there and, like I say, kill somebody. I'm going to get him. I'm going to kill'em. Not like you are going to put them into the ground after, but you just want to kill a guy.

Chuck Bednarik

People say people who spend too many years in prison don't know how to act when they get free. I don't know how I am going to act, how I am going to kill time, once I am not a fighter. Retirement scares me, and I have to think about how I am going to handle it.

Mirko Cro Cop

You need that marketing power. You need to go do the interviews. You need to put yourself out there and risk and be open to the fact that people are going to not like you, and they are just going to rip you apart, and whatever you say in an interview can get quoted out of context.

Sharlto Copley

The craziest, most selfish act is to commit suicide. When you kill yourself, you kill others.

Jenny Joseph

My mom gets so upset at me when I say stuff in the press about anything political, and it drives me crazy because I say to my mom: 'I can't be on the side of any sort of war and I'm not going to be.'

Jake Shears

Don't worry about what other people are going to say, because they're always going to say something, but, if you're just true to yourself, let that shine through.