A Quote by Ella Fitzgerald
I know I'm no glamour girl, and it's not easy for me to get up in front of a crowd of people. It used to bother me a lot, but now I've got it figured out that God gave me this talent to use, so I just stand there and sing.
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For me any moment in front of a crowd is embarrassing, because I can't stand being in front of people. I'm probably one of the worst public speakers. I try to avoid it, but there are times when it's just too rude not to do it. But there really isn't a moment that's not embarrassing for me if I'm going to stand up in front of a crowd.
I don't know if it's just me getting older, but things that used to bother me, or that I used to take personally, or maybe since going through a public divorce. I just like, really, it takes a lot to bother me nowadays.
To suddenly be a hero on a world basis was hard for me to understand. God gave me a gift. I got the chance to use it. I didn't think I deserved what people were saying. My talent is just more visible than theirs.
Gymnastics, for me, gave me a lot of self-pride: that drive to want to be great at something for myself. But it also gave me a sense of appreciation toward God. Now that I'm getting older, I really appreciate the talents God gave me. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
I once got a postcard from a French poet who wrote - "you don't know me but I'm always very grumpy when I get up in morning. But when I get up now I put the tea kettle on, and when it starts to sing it makes me smile - goddamn you!" That's what happened when we first designed it - we got a lot of mail.
I just remember one girl really getting me on the field and beating the holy crap out of me. I never to this day know why. And then people used to be funny because we were on welfare. People used to make fun of you. But I used to get school dinners so I thought it was great, I got a hot meal every day.
I could stand out front and sing Eagles songs that I sing in my set, but I think people enjoy watching me sing and play the drums. It seems to fascinate people. I don't know why.
I think people just feel me. Whenever they listen to the music, it's just coming out. I think you can hear what I put into it. A lot of it is God. You can use stuff to where you want it. Like I pray to God, and I asked for direction early on, and he gave me so much. It's like rappers and soul singers is taking to me. That's both sides of me.
With me being in so many pain from when you have a betrayal from your best friend - who was my husband - and the girl got pregnant, I couldn't even get out of bed. The only thing that saved me was my stand-up. I would get on stage and just talk about stuff, and I made people laugh. A lot of women e-mail me and say, 'How do you smile? How do you laugh at something like this?' That's how I do it. I laugh because that's how I get through pain.
After my day at the Uni winded up, I used to go and perform gigs - I used to look forward to playing in front of an audience. It was when people came to me and gave me positive feedback that I got the confidence to pursue this as a dream.
When a guy would write some scathing article about me, that used to really bother me. I didn't get it. I'm like, What is that? You don't know me... That ate me up.
I asked for strength,
and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom,
and God gave me problems to learn to solve.
I asked for prosperity,
and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage,
and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love,
and God gave me people to help.
I asked for favors,
and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
Growing up people would tell me: 'Yo, you only can do one thing. If you're going to rap, just rap. If you're going to sing, just sing.' It boxed me in. But I just figured out a way to show everything. It's like if you have a job interview, you want to present as many skills as you have.
You either have chemistry or you don't, but a lot of what attracts me is a guy's mind and humor and talent. I need to get to know all those things before I fall for someone. I'm not a one-night-stand kind of girl. I'm a relationship girl.
I've had a lot of people in my past who were friends with me just to get publicity. When I was young, my mom or sister used to have to point out if someone was using me to make a name for themselves ? you know, linking arms with me on the red carpet and trying to get in every picture. But now I can see for myself when someone is just hungry for attention.
There is something about being a director where, for me personally, I get to . . . it's the closest I'll ever come to being able to be a stand up. And to use my particular sense of humor, and hear people laughing, without me having to stand up in front of an audience and tell jokes.
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