A Quote by Emo Philips
I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"
I want to be with my best friend. My best friend, my wife. Who could ask for anything more?
I had a friend, Melissa, who was 28 years old. She was my best friend's wife, and she was my wife's best friend. She died of breast cancer. When she passed away back in 2004 was the last time I cried.
You marry somebody you love, that you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with, that you're excited to wake up with every morning if you enjoy spending the day with. Right now... my wife is my best friend, by far my best friend.
Are people crazy? People waited all their lives. They waited to live, they waited to die. They waited in line to buy toilet paper. They waited in line for money. And if they didn't have any money they waited in longer lines. You waited to go to sleep and then you waited to awaken. You waited to get married and you waited to get divorced. You waited for it to rain, you waited for it to stop. You waited to eat and then you waited to eat again. You waited in a shrink's office with a bunch of psychos and you wondered if you were one.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
Julia is one of the most loyal people who ever lived. Her best friend is her best friend from third grade, and her other best friends are her best friends from Northwestern. Once you're a pal, you're a pal for life with Jules. I'm not just flattering her because she's my wife.
My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I am thinking of one woman and the rest is blotto. I say I am thinking of her, but the truth is I am dying a stellar death. I am lying there like a sick star waiting for the light to go out. Years ago I lay on this same bed and I waited and waited to be born. Nothing happened. Except that my mother, in her Lutheran rage, threw a bucket of water over me. My mother, poor imbecile that she was, thought I was lazy. She didn't know that I had gotten caught in the stellar drift, that I was being pulverized to a black extinction out there in the farthest rim of the universe.
I think I've got my muscles back. I've been working out every other day with my wife.
On any given day, my daughters would snuggle in bed with my wife and me. We just hug and kiss each other. We laugh out loud and act completely silly. I stop and think to myself, "This is love."
It was a weird mix of emotions. One day, your best friend could be killed. The day before, you could be celebrating him getting a brand-new bike.
Being British, we tend to think of ourselves as America's best friend. And as your best friend, that gives us a little bit of license to point out things that could have been handled better.
In A Glass of Cider It seemed I was a mite of sediment That waited for the bottom to ferment So I could catch a bubble in ascent. I rode up on one till the bubble burst, And when that left me to sink back reversed I was no worse off than I was at first. I'd catch another bubble if I waited. The thing was to get now and then elated.
I don't have a bunch of mates. I don't have a man cave. My wife and I, we are each other's best friend.
Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!
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