A Quote by Erma Bombeck
With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.
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I chose to be an agitator. And there's one interesting thing about being an agitator - and I tell people - the next time you put your underwear in the washing machine, take the agitator out, and all you're going to end up with is some dirty, wet drawers.
Before you could actually have face-lifts, they would pull your skin around the back of your head with rubber bands, where they would tape it. And then you'd have to wear a wig over it to hide the rubber bands. It was not the most comfortable.
I have this rubber band that I have all the time on my wrist, and sometimes when I get nervous or anxious, I'll do this twiddle thing with my finger and I'll snap the rubber band. A lot of people use rubber bands to cope with things like anxiety and depression and addiction.
Eventually, to get through school, I would make good meaningless blobs if I had to. And so they thought I was falling in with them and stuff like that. But on the playground, kids would come up to me and say, "I need three Supermans and a Captain Midnight by four o'clock because I'm going to sell them to somebody else." So I'd take all their lunch money and whip these things out, and they'd have to stick them in their underwear to get the pictures home, because if the teacher ever found out about that.
The second time I was pregnant friends would give me rubber bands to gnaw, because the first time, I had chewed things like a rubber bit that fell off the dishwasher. I remember driving once in the rain and the smell of my rubber-soled shoes in the damp caused me to pull over and start chomping on the rubber mat.
Being a girl didn't really affect me until I entered junior high and had to wear skirts, curl my hair, and even get used to panty hose. However, my hatred of panty hose helped make me a writer who only wears comfortable clothes. I've successfully avoided panty hose for most of my life.
And it's absolutely great, when everything comes together with the hair, the dresses and the makeup and the models and the music and the presentation. I can't get over these girls. They look wonderful. But by the time we finish with them, they look like they came from another planet. And I just think it's great.
The most embarrassing one is that I had no idea - and please excuse me - that you guys call a condom a rubber. My version of a rubber is an eraser. I've done that - very loudly asked for a rubber and people have given me strange looks. That was embarrassing!
If I ever complain about my job, hit me with a rubber hose.
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.
The first time I won a medal at a female wrestling tournament, all of the other girls there had coaches and family members cheering them on. I went in alone, said nothing, wrestled three girls and beat three girls - convincingly.
Within you there are thousands of rings of luminosity, bands, and each one is a universe of perception. In the average person's lifetime, they might just open up two or three, maybe four of those bands.
I think there are plenty of good bands out there, but the great bands aren't affected by what's going on around them, trends and all that and competing with other bands and wanting to be the biggest, we find that happens a lot. Bands look at other bands and think: that's what I want, you know? I think that remaining.
Like a lot of the newer bands, like the more poppy kinda bands, although they make really good records and they produce them really great and everything, they don't really deliver onstage. And I think that's where like the heavier bands kinda score.
You do not go out into the street in your underwear, although usually you are wearing underwear. The underwear is not visible but it is there all the time. It is the same with concepts. They are there. They underlie practical things we do- even when we are not conscious of them.
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